We have come to the realization that we may have chosen the wrong line of work. Fun? Sure. Personally rewarding? Often, yes. Free stuff? Man, we love free stuff.
But the prospect of getting a chunk of the $98 million in severance pay that’s lined up for ten Wachovia execs (should the bank’s sale to Wells Fargo go through and they lose their jobs) got us thinking. We are just as qualified as these fuckers to run a crappy financial firm into the ground. So are you! Together, we can get rich while we create innovatively terrible fiscal management strategies, make bad loans, and help undermine the economic stability of the entire world.
We will all be “citizen executives.” We “citizen executives” won’t draw a salary (and an increasing number of us are readily available), but will be paid bonuses based on how quickly we can destroy the house of cards that the international banking system has become, so we can move on to our future barter economy, where you will send Philebrity a slice of bread and a bottle of High Life each time you visit the site.
And if you still have or manage to get yourself a job, you should definitely ask your employer if they have a We Will Pay You $9.8 Million If We Lay You Off Because You’re Not Competent Plan. It’s way better than a crappy 3% 401(k) match.
USA Today: Wachovia Spokesperson Says It Probably Won’t Be The Full $98.1 Mil Because Some Incompetents Will Keep Their Jobs
Previously: Wachovian Process
Previously: Who, Who, Who Will Get To Inherit The Deeply Ingrained Shittiness That Is Wachovia?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 25th, 2008 at 4:53 pm.