BAR: Buckhead Saloon
LOCATION: 461 North Third, in the old Tiki Bob’s space.
BACKSTORY: Anyone who rejoiced, like we did, when Tiki Bob’s closed down probably shouldn’t count their chickens just yet. Because Buckhead Saloon promises to be worse. Buckhead is that most evil of beasts: a chain bar. (There’s also Buckheads in such other sprawling piles of suck as Milwaukee, Raliegh, NC, and Pittsburgh.) And by the looks of things, Buckhead will be importing the very worst of the suburbs and the Northeast for its clientele (check the pictures section of their website, total horrorshow): People for whom the city is nothing more than an elaborate trashcan that they can brag to their cubicle mates they hung out in on Friday, you know, because they are PARTY ANIMALS. Sad.
HOW MUCH GOD HATES ALL WHO ENTER HERE: So much that he has given Buckhead The Running Of The Santas this year.

BAR: Mad River Manayunk
LOCATION: 4100 Main Street. C’mon, be honest: You gave up any hope of Manayunk turning into something even half-ass cool about a decade ago.
BACKSTORY: One reader put it best:

That place must have a hex of the utmost douchebaggery upon it. Chemistry, Grape Street Pub, now Mad River. Yeah braaa!!!!! I wish I could go to such places and stick one of those “yucky” stickers on the doors. You know, the kind parents put on bottles of bleach and Tide to prevent their out of control spawn from downing a shot of liquid death.

HOW MUCH GOD HATES ALL WHO ENTER HERE: The second you load their website, it plays “Paradise City” by GNR. It’s not ironic.

This entry was posted on Friday, October 17th, 2008 at 12:18 pm.