The reborn Evening Bulletin has always rather been on the absurd side of ridiculous. We guess since the Inquirer hasn’t come packaged with the hearts of Communists (we would eat them to gain our enemies’ strength) since the Annenberg years, there hasn’t been enough red meat journalism (read: saber-rattlers who haven’t been to war, say, or racists who haven’t met a non-white person) in this town. The Bulletin? It fills this hole in our collective hearts.
And to get to those kids today, they’re soliciting “creative submissions” from kids 15 and younger. We think we know what they’re thinking: “Whitney Swarthmore III and Jenny Paoli are totally going to write us stories about how they captured and killed Osama bin Laden, but only too late realized it was Barack Obama, but hey, either is fine with us!” But what they’re going to actually get are confessionals about growing up gay on the Main Line (which sucks, by the way — graduate early and go far away for college as soon as you can!) or confessionals about grade school waxing disasters, without too much in between.
So here’s our idea - let’s help ‘em out! You, dear readers, should make some stuff up — crazy reactionary fantasies, weird patriotic fetish tales, whatever. Submit it to the Bulletin. And if it runs, please send us links (or more likely, scans, as that website blows). Because everybody knows that Monkeybrains are for eating.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 19th, 2008 at 3:12 pm.