So, we haven’t mentioned this, but we’re starting to look over applications for the fall intern posse. And well, there’s this:

Dear Philebrity,
This letter has been a long time coming. I’ve had to wrestle with so many conflicting emotions every time I tried to sit down at a keyboard and get it out. After weighing out the pros and cons over and over I’ve made my decision, and as you hold this in your hand it will become obvious how it went.

Philebrity, I think you are my father. I was adopted at a young age and grew up in Bethlehem, not far from here. My parents, the people who raised me, gave me a good life. I was never in want or felt a need to seek you out because I thought you could provide better for me. I love them, and the biggest block to my writing you has been how they would take it. We talked it through though, and all of us think this is for the best. For whatever reason, my mind will not rest until I just know.

I worked with various groups and agencies to try to track down my biological father. Your name has come up more often than any other. It seems to me we’d both just be lying to ourselves if we didn’t at least accept the possibility that it’s true, that you are my father.

Holy shit, he kind of does have Sweeney’s (red, squinty, barely functioning) eyes. More after the jump.

Please don’t think I’m writing in an effort to abuse our potential connection. I’m well aware of your success and what goes with it. I only want to put this nagging question to rest so I can go on with my adult life. I think the best way for us to get to know each other and decide if we want to take the test and find out for sure is if you give me an internship and let me spend a few hours a day with you for a while, during the Fall Semester of 2008, for which I would receive college credit from Temple University and complete my degree. We can work out the specific days and times to whatever suits you.

I look forward to hearing back on this. I know it would enrich both of our lives in a new and exciting way and I can only hope you will agree. Until then-

Yours,
[NAME WITHHELD PENDING PATERNITY TESTING]

p.s. Please find attached several samples of my writing. I don’t know how it would help you decide if you want to be a part of my life but I think it’s pretty cool and want you to have it.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 30th, 2008 at 4:12 pm.