BRAND NEW SIXER: In a move that allows me to write about something other than the recent Phillies suckage (which I’ll address below) and avoid attempting to fill up space writing about tennis or bike racing, the Sixers have made a big splash in the free agent market. They have reached a verbal agreement to sign power forward Elton Brand, arguably the best free-agent available this off-season. ‘Scuse me while I wonk the hoops sky, but this does bear a bit of explaining: Brand will provide the Sixers with a presence in the low post that they have not had since Moses Malone and should make the team a possible threat to win a weak Eastern Conference. It would appear that the Sixers aren’t done tinkering after this move, because they will have free roster spots and desperately need someone on the team that can make a jump shot. Don’t be surprised if the Sixers end up signing free agent Andre “The Other A.I.” Iguodala, and then trading him for a shooting guard. Iguodala, it would seem, is the odd man out of the equation because Thaddeus Young should get the starting job at small forward and as good as he is, Iguodala is not shooting guard material. The fact that he can’t hit a jump shot is probably what’s holding him back from that. In any event, thank you, Sixers, for providing a much-needed distraction and for actually going out on a limb and getting that big name player that can help you win now. Sure, this is Philadelphia and this move could end up haunting the Sixers for years to come leaving them in salary cap hell ala Matt Geiger, Dikembe Mutombo, Chris Webber etc., but sometimes, dammit, you just gotta believe.

I LOVE YOU. JUST GO AWAY: In football news, Green Bay Packers retired(?) future Hall of Fame quarterback has “the itch” to play in the upcoming season. After years of “will he or won’t he” talk following every season, Brett Favre finally officially retired after last season, capping off one of the best professional sports careers in history. With training camp approaching, Favre has stated that he has “the itch” to play again, and is considering delaying his retirement for one more year. Hey Brett, if you have “the itch” why don’t you go somewhere and scratch it and just leave us all the fuck alone? Favre, despite playing for an NFC rival, has been one of my favorite players for years, precisely because he lacked the “it’s all about me” mentality so commonly seen in the players of today. He had the obligatory retirement news conference, shed some tears and seemed poised to walk off in to the Hall of Fame, ending his illustrious career with the dignity that he managed to maintain all of these years. That’s what he should have done. Instead, he’s going to hold the Packers and the rest of us hostage while we all wait with baited breath to see what he’s finally decided. One day Brett wants to play, the next day he doesn’t. We get to hear interviews with his teammates, even recently his mother, all the while Brett gets to keep himself in the spotlight a little bit longer. That’s not annoying. The NFL and the other major sports should put rules in to place that once you utter the term, “I am retiring”, you should be held to it and that’s it. Period. Brett please, as a fan, I am asking you, just go back to Oklahoma or Texas or whatever corn-fed state it is that you came from and wait quietly or your Hall of Fame induction. If you can’t give up the spotlight just yet, become a broadcaster like Michael Strahan or Michael Irving, or perhaps a return to acting?

WHAT, ME WORRY?: The Phillies dropped their fourth straight game to the St. Louis Cardinals despite a 3-Hit, 7-Inning performance by ace Cole Hamels (pictured, with shades of Alfred E. Nuemann). Hamels pitched very well but gave up 2 solo-home runs that proved to be all the Cardinals needed to win the game. The Phillies were shut out for the 6th time this season. I give you this recap as a setup for a controversial opinion: Despite constant desperate pleas for starting pitching, the pitching staff has been excellent this season, for the most part. There have been a few bad starts like the last Adam Eaton start, but in general, the staff has kept them in games and pitched adequately. The Phillies’ starting rotation has pitched more innings than any other rotation in the NL which has allowed the Phillies to have the best bull pen ERA in the league. The problem has been that the Phillies once-potent lineup is struggling mightily and hasn’t shown any signs of improvement. Jimmy Rollins and Shane Victorino have not been on base, Chase Utley has seen his average plummet, Ryan Howard is on pace for the most strikeouts in the history of baseball, and role players like Ruiz, Jenkins, Feliz and Coste haven’t been hitting at all. So, while I agree that they need another pitcher at the All-Star break, I think they had better look at getting a bat or two as well. Time is of the essence: They have allowed the Marlins and the Mets within a game, in a division that they should have walked away with by now. The All-Star break couldn’t come at a better time. We will see what Pat Gillick delivers at the trade-deadline, but in the meantime, let’s hope that the pitching that we do have continues to overachieve (sounds funny, I know) and that the offense figures it out again because this thing we have right now is painful. Hey, at least we have the chance to ogle Alyssa Milano at The Bank tomorrow. Maybe her presence will help this Phillies hitters get some good, um, wood on the ball. Rimshot. Thanks. I’ll be back next week.

Tony Carpenter’s “The Sportin’ Life” now appears on Philebrity each Wednesday.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 9th, 2008 at 4:00 pm.