The Philebrity Lexicon: “Nougars”

Nou·gars · slang, pejorative.
Severe condition currently affecting young females, often still teenagers, in both MASS CELEBRITY CULTURE as well as the GREATER PHILADELPHIA AREA. Through a combination of nearly KABUKI-esque makeup, tacky clothing and disconcertingly banal attitudes, it is often difficult to tell whether NOUGARS are 14 or 40. In present-day celebrity culture, the term is best epitomized by teen stars such as ALI LOHAN (pictured) or LIL’ MAMA. Term itself is a derivation of COUGAR, denoting a woman of a certain (older) age on “the prowl”; but with an “N” to denote “NEW”; and an “NOU” to conjure the image of NOUGAT, in reference to the often shocking patina on faces of NOUGARS brought on by too much foundation and other makeup. Often seen in the wild in such places as PORT RICHMOND TARGET, BEAUTY PAGEANTS (see also JON BENET RAMSEY) and OLD CITY.
Syn.: PRE-COUGESCENTS, NEVER-CLEANS.
The Philebrity Lexicon seeks to put down for posterity the words we’ve been saying all our lives. Got a suggestion for the Lexicon? Just make sure it’s a word; no grunting “YO”‘s our “YOUSE”‘s here. And send it along to tips[at]philebrity[dot]com.
Previously In The Philebrity Lexicon: DOMERS, HAMMERS

  • lord_whimsy

    Now we need a definition for their male counterparts, the Untuckables.