The Happening Reviews Are A Bloodbath: Part Deux (But Not Why You Think!)
Wow! Clocking in with a abysmal 21% approval rating according to Rotten Tomatoes, The Happening’s buzz has decidedly crashed and burned. We kind of predicted this the other week, when it became clear that the film studio wasn’t offering advanced screenings for critical review. Um, yeah, that’s never a good sign. However, while we initially conceived of this entry as a straight “copy and paste” post where we were going to present the most outrageous, most cutting criticisms of the film like last time, our attention has shifted to the terrible, terribly written reviews of this terrible, terrible film. Take for example this gem from the Washington Post:
If you like suicide, here’s your main ride. All others, steer clear.
Whoa, there buddy! You’re suggesting that only snuff fanatics would like this mainstream Hollywood dreck, but no one else possibly would? Whaaaaaa? That’s a crazy generalization to make, even in jest. Some reviewers seem so in love with their stream-of-consciousness movie cross-references that they don’t even make sense. Take our own Inky for example:
As for The Happening, his throwback horror flick that plays like The Birds meets The Blob, it’s beyond good and evil. It’s dumbfounding. At the hollow center of this unapologetic B-movie is Mark Wahlberg, typically the low-key everyman, in overwrought-robot mode.
Navigating those two sentences required a compass and a baggie of trail mix. So, wait, did she like the movie or not? The worst, worst, worst review we saw was by this Champ at the Charlotte Observer.
You know those meringue cookies that look so tempting on bakery shelves, the ones that evaporate moments after you pop them in your mouth and leave only the vaguest, unmemorable taste behind? That’s “The Happening.
*Deep exhale. Shakes head.* Screw the movie, the real terror is reading mountains of this crap.
Previously: We’ve Sensed It. We’ve Seen The Signs. Now, It’s Happening…And It’s A Bloodbath
Rumor Mill: Is Fox Afraid That The New M. Night Movie Stinks?
June 13th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
I think a lot of film critics are excessively harsh on M. Night. My guess is that they would have rather been in his shoes and they’re jealous that he became so successful when he was really young. His movies are not masterpieces but they’re not that bad either.
June 13th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
New York Times review was somewhat positive . . . http://movies.nytimes.com/2008/06/13/movies/13happ.html?8mu&emc=mua1
June 13th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
In all fairness, many summer movies are not pre-screened for critics. “Iron Man,” by most accounts a great flick, was not screened for critics.
That said, this movie looks like a complete shit show and I’m sure it will attain some form of cult status eventually due to it being soooo bad.
June 13th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
i actually just got back from seeing it. the 2pm at the Riverview was packed. not his best, but certainly some memorable death scenes and hey that can still be fun right? honestly i think the critics are just having fun kicking him while he’s down, which he should have seen it coming. but it really isn’t as bad as they want you to believe. it just isn’t that great, either.
June 27th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
This film was so unbearably bad that I felt morally obligated to spend 4 days producing a parody. Check it out here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hx16epbyj9g
For best results, be sure to view high-quality version.