I have a confession: In a former life, I used to be a hacker. The real serious, phone-phreak, Cap’n Crunch-kind, who dialed up NORAD on a 386 and compromised DEFCON levels. In a former life, my name was actually Matthew Broderick, too. Really, I missed out on War Games when it was most relevant (hell, it was released the year I was born), but when I saw it, I was just starting to explore the depths of the Internet on AOL 2.0. Back then on AOL, Warez was traded by e-mail and the most serious offense was having your account suspended for IM Bombing. It was childish but it felt awesome to be on that (mildly) upper echelon, having control over the other users on the ‘net. It was because of movies like War Games and stories traded in 2600 that made it seem so glamorous. Back then, hackers were fucking cool. I, on the other hand, was neither cool or classifiable as a hacker.

The story that started it all is that of Cap’n Crunch, alias of John T. Draper, an AT&T hacker who used a toy whistle that was packaged in the bottom of the brand name cereal to recreate the 2600 hz tone that would route a free call. There’s romance in that story and of all hackers, that a smart, nerdy guy could win back some of his oppression by doing things others couldn’t dream of. And in the process, learn from it. After-all, many hackers swear by the creed that their main goal is to gain access to information for educational purposes.

This is why the recent Comcast hackjob just doesn’t do it for me. On the surface, I give mad props to Defiant and the Kryogeniks crew. Everyone in Philly wants to give you a high five. But if you compare it to the history of hacking, these guys are glorified vandalists. Sure, they cost the company millions of dollars and really put that tech support team to the test (finally putting them to work) with the phone calls that were sure to follow. But with all that power, the best thing they could think of was to shout-out to their friends on the Comcast.net? We wanna see V for Vendetta-style political statements.

I’ve got inspiration for future hackers: please revisit November 22, 1987 for the the greatest television hack of all time. When a hacker interrupted the signal at WGN-TV and 2 hours later hacked public broadcasting channel WTTW (both based in Chicago), a Max Headroom-masked man proceeded to get bare-ass spanked by a flyswatter in the third major television market. Do not, I repeat, do not discount the creepy-factor when it comes to hacking spectacles.

What’s disappointing is that the Comcast Kids are ripping bong hits and taking pictures of it in their bathroom. 90 percent of the intrigue of hackers is the mystery. Hackers have always represented anonymous, neo-Robin Hoods but instead, we’ve had to witness these hackers’ guilt, fear, motive, and even their mom’s bathroom decor.

And the most disappointing part? These anti-heroes have little time before they’re telling their story from a cell.

Brian James Kirk is a writer and adventurer living in Philadelphia. By adventuring, he means occasionally to friends’ homes for games of Balderdash. If you know a Philadelphia technology scoop that would fit this space, you are graciously encouraged to get in touch.

Previously: Technologicology: The Preachy Summer Edition

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008 at 1:45 pm.