Free wireless internet…

Plenty of this…

Mama White’s Flyers cupcakes…

Trading Briere for some officials…

and our SPECIAL GUEST…Anonymous Penisburgh Fanny-Fan.

Who we’ve already outed as…Wine Guy AKA Collin Flatt.

6:47 PM: Burgher Boy here first, Kells is gonna be fashionably late. Seems my Fishtown buddy and the Flyers have a kinship in not showing up when they’re supposed to.

O’Neals has been more than accommodating with a frosty PBC Kenso and a place to sit by the electrical outlet. Maybe I shouldn’t put on the jersey yet. These fuckers are multitasking, too. Rumor has it Quizzo is making a head-on collision with the hockey tilt. Zao, the bar’s puppy dog is drooling on the steps where I have laid face down on many occasion.

7:01 PM: K-Dubz checkin’ in. The Prattling Pathologicalsburgh Fan just got his first boo. It’s actually Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo tonight.

7:12 PM: Prattlefucker rebuttal: Some shemp wearing a purple shirt with white framed sunglasses sat next to me and ordered a Budweiser. And you’re telling me Pittsburgh is full of bitches? This guy is taking himself serious. What a Phucking bitch.

7:18 PM: We’ve been hooked up by the new ownership here at O’Neal’s, a gentlemen named Spoonie who you NEED to see when you make the trip. I wouldn’t fuck with him, but I’d let him buy us a beer. Which he did. Big flyer fan, but said he’d let me walk out of here without a limp. Like I said, nice guy.

For those that care: The Purple Shirt Phucker just tried to pay for a Budweiser bottle with a credit card. I couldn’t make this up. He still has a straight face.

7:29 PM: Burgher Boy ordered something called the Chip Butty. It’s a lump of french fries, covered in melted cheese on a buttered hoagie roll. Again. I CAN’T MAKE THIS UP. I got pictures to prove that shit. GAME FUCKING ON. My life has already been threatened by some random dude that looked like my parents lawnmower man. In fact, I think it IS my parents lawnmower man. Glad he moved away from Reading, PA finally.

7:49 PM: Burgher Boy: Hatcher is in the box. He’s been out of the penalty box for about 3 minutes and 45 seconds during the whole series. I’m a fan of him being on the ice. SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pens take the lead. What a surprise.

7:55 PM: KW: Hossa stuffs one in, NOT WORRIED, NOT WORRIED, NOT WORRIED. The Chip Butty is edible/DELICIOUS. Versus, however, is not. I expect a PP goal soon.

8:04 PM: KW: More calls. Present from Umberger! The Permanently Delusional Fan just sobered up a little. More calls.

8:14 PM: BB: I finished the Chip Butty. It tasted like heaven and feels like hell.

8:17 PM: KW: Fleury makes my body hurt. I don’t have to look at Malkinstein for the next 10 minutes, though, so I can’t complain.

8:20 PM: BB: End of the first. Crowd is getting louder, uglier, and more Philly. Kelly is trying to get me to fight this old guy that’s petting a dog outside. The Chip Butty might be the closest thing a veggie can have to a heart attack. But it still can’t convince me to punch Jeb the Dog Toucher. Johnny Goodtimes Watch has come up empty. I think I’m going to marf.

8:38 PM: KW: Goodtimes is thiefin’ our Bar Blogger Thunder. They just turned the volume off and the crowd is booing because they want him to shut face. BAD TIMES.

8:49 PM: KW: A reader just asked if we we’re from Philebrity. County Fair Voice won’t stop. Lexie just turned the game volume on again. Thank you, Blog Gods.

8:51 PM: BB: Lazy passing, neutral zone trap NJ Devils bullshit. I’m bored like it’s ‘96. I think Lemieux still had cancer then.

9:16 PM: KW: How many dogs are in this fucking bar? Flyers will tie this up within the first five minutes of the third. Confidence is a Mexican beer special.

9:22 PM: BB: A 2 dollar Negro Modelo and some mangy mongrels won’t save you from the inevitable, K-Dubs. It’s the third period, are you scared? I think Malkinstein will terrorize you like the robotscoringmachine he is. No amount of referee slamming and whining is going to bring the Cup to this town. I think Johnny Goodtimes jinxed you. Especially since he’s wearing another trademark Douchebag Shirt. I thought Kohl’s closed in Delco. No?

9:31 PM: BB: We’re on our heels, playing like fucking Mary’s. I hated the Flyers for their 1970’s mentality, but I wish Ruutu would finally go off the chain and attack John Steven’s family. That’s the only way he would ever chance staining his pretty face and pretty suit. Bitch.

9:35 PM: KW: Talk much? You may want to focus on the game, where the Flyers are about to score and drag you into OT. That was almost it. Is Crosby even in this game?

9:36 PM: BB: No, he’s celebrating Mother’s Day with Upshall’s mom. I heard she likes it when he speaks French and tickles her thigh with his dirt-’stache.

9:40 PM: KW: Here’s a Quizzo question for you guys: What uncultured rube is playing along while a Flyers game is on? ANSWER ME. It’s coming. I can feel it.

9:42 PM: BB: What you’re feeling is the imminent collapse of your beloved Flyers. It’s just happening sooner than you think. You guys could fuck up a wet dream. Crosby made an appearance. He is complaining to the refs. You’re making me a liar, Sid. You’re playing the role of “bitch”. SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE. That Patron is looking mighty AFFORDABLE.

9:45 PM: BB: Daniel Briere’s doppelganger just asked what asshole would come to the bar with a computer. A guy who is writing about the piss poor hockey series Daniel Briere has had.

9:49 PM: KW: We’re still prettier. Wow, we just got the finger from the Briere. If you were really Danny, lifting a finger to help your team would be way out of character. Still and all, LET’S GO FLYAHHHHZ.

10:04 PM: BB: I’m gonna go get in a fight now. Real Danny Briere and his broke-ass version here look ripe for an ass kicking, PENGUIN STYLE.

10:06 PM: KW: Don’t look that far. I’m right here.

[Cheesy Flyers Logo]

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 13th, 2008 at 5:27 pm.