Social Networking is starting to get the best of me.

It wasn’t when I started using Twitter, or when I linked my BrightKite account to show my microblogging location. It wasn’t when I started geotagging my (limited number) of Flickr photos. And it definitely wasn’t when I made a professional account on LinkedIn. Stay with me now: I’m not trying to up my geek cred by listing some sort of sad docket of how I spend my entire weekend.

Most of this list is comprised of things I consider minor victories: Twitter has been somewhat of a blessing—I’ve had the chance to exchange with some interesting people in the Philadelphia tech scene. But I’m feeling a strong disconnect in the sheer number of applications that do exactly the same thing that are selling themselves to me. It’s like trying to decide between Smash Brothers Dojo or Mario Kart Wii. Either way, you’re getting a fat Italian dude acting like he owns the place.

There’s Twitter or Jaiku. Facebook or LinkedIn. Skype or Gizmo5. Flickr or Picassa. God, that’s a lot of bold. The markets are so confused that competitors even work together. I understand that this is a perfect scenario for consumers. It’s capitalism at its best. But its all too familiar—it’s eerily similar to the dot com bubble of the late 90s. Without the money, speculation, or gossip. Oh, wait.

Sure, this particular bubble is far different from its predecessor. It’s based on actual, not-fake products, and more than hype alone. Real people use the applications, and the revenue is there—advertisers don’t want nuttin’ to do with newspapers no more; they’ve found AdSense.

But instead of dot coms offering a million different quirky, weird web services, we’ve got a a million dot coms offering one. If you don’t believe me, just watch this video for Sprout, a widget creator, otherwise known as one-more-way-to-not-impress-anyone-by-wasting-four-hours-of-your-day. The video will make your fucking head explode, if not for the Aussie voiceover and crazy techno beat, then the extraordinary number of social networks you’ll find you can throw these uncreative, virtual macaroni paintings on to.

If this new social networking bubble doesn’t burst, our brains will. Or uhm, Google will buy it. All of it.

So, let’s take a quick look into the future. 2010, when you’re on your third kid, second marriage, and you’ve all but given up TwitterBookedIn for MySpace Holographic.

• You’ll have spent the last 2 years switching services based on which ones your friends are using. When one signs up for a GPS-location-based pizza ordering service PieOrDie for ItsaPizza, huge problem: you’ll miss out on free breadsticks if you don’t switch. Luckily, your usual username hasn’t yet been taken. Success. You quickly lose touch with two close Pepperoni loving friends.
• Amidst your 3,000 rss subscriptions, you stumble upon Julonakarofuno, TWICE! It’s an instant add. The name is hard to pronounce, but its reference to a type of African cocoa bean that is good for your liver. Good ’nuff. You never even follow the activation link.
• Someone has hacked the single password you use, stealing your identity where it really counts—ruining your reputation by posting spam links on Digg.
• Employers have long stopped looking for photos of you drinking beer on Facebook. A mere Google search for your social network accounts revels much more. Assuming you’ll be checking these sites at work, if you’re signed up for more than 3, you’re not getting hired. Unemployed rate skyrockets. People rush to LinkedIn to save professional face.
• Friendster will make a retro comeback, completely un-updated, and will be notable for its simplicity. “Less is More—Friends,” will be their motto.

The future’s bright for your social needs, my friends. I’ll see you on the Twitter, Facebook, AIM, GChat, Digg, Utterz, and if you’re lucky, on a street in Philadelphia. But add me on Plaxo—by 2010, all that will remain of me will be a 64×64 avatar.

Brian James Kirk is a writer and adventurer living in Philadelphia. By adventuring, he means occasionally to friends’ homes for games of Balderdash. If you know a Philadelphia technology scoop that would fit this space, you are graciously encouraged to get in touch.

Previously: A three-part series on the presidential candidates’ technology plans.
Technologicology: McCain Not So Crotchety After All
Technologicology: Clinton’s Technology Plan for Tommorrow, Tooday [Sic]
Technologicology: Obama Is Oh So Web 2.0

Image courtesy of Shorpy.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 13th, 2008 at 1:43 pm.