It’s not just Mother’s Day, bitches. Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals is upon us, and every mother of a Fly Boy should be proud. Tonight’s brawl takes us back to Pittifulsburgh, where Game 1’s loss is par for the course in these playoffs. Don’t forget: the Flyers have lost the first game in the two previous series, and we’re more alive than ever. So what if it doesn’t look good? We’re a bunch of ugly fucks, and we like it that way. Stay tuned with us tonight for our in-game analysis, keep the Orange Crushes coming, and the Dorito dust flying: It’s gonna be a live one…

6:56 PM: Rumor is Malkin could possibly be feeling that hit from Richards the other night. Or is this yet more whining from Cindy, Geni, & Co.? Will dude play? CSN’s Flyers Pre-Game at 7, you cannot come soon enough. I just downed an entire can of Sobe NO FEAR energy drink. Bring it.

6:59 PM: Heartwarming story about Knuble’s mom. Cuteness. Alright, ready for violence/blood/vengeance.

7:08 PM: Malkin did not participate in the morning skate, but he’s in warm-up right now. More pressing questions. Will Versus’ coverage of the game blow? Will Downie stay parked in the penalty box?

7:30 PM: Yo, Phoodies. Cocco’s Pizza in Aston is serving The Umberger, a burger loaded with cheddar, mushrooms, bacon, BBQ sauce and piled with onion rings. GAME TIME.

7:44 PM: BLOOD ON THE ICE. Cobie just took a deflected shot to the face. Owz.

7:49 PM: Anonymous Pittsburgh Fan says, “Malkin’s definitely not 100%, shouldn’t be on the second line.” Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

7:58 PM: Coburn’s being stitched up, could return. Box is getting crowded. First goal???

8:03 PM: Dept. of Biron Should Have Had That: Crosby goal. Anonymous Pithy Pitts Fan says “Don’t tempt the Gods.”

8:18 PM: Playoff Beard Talkin’: Crosby rocks a dirt ’stache. Pens Fan: Dupuis: bad penalty, awesome beard. OHWHOA. Goal or no goal?

8:23 PM: Christ and pancakes. NO goal. Crosby’s a special athlete, alright.

8:31 PM: My mom doesn’t like you, Versus. If you hired me to blog for you, that would change. Malkin’s stick is all over the place, but where’s his mouth? Another gem from Anonymous Piddling Pens Fan, “Dupuis missed another slam dunk. He could fall in a bag of tits and come up sucking his thumb.”

8:50 PM: Gonchar’s face is like the best birth control ever. Delayed penny! We need to score on these prison-bitches.

8:55 PM: Reliable Punkass Shittsburgh Fan, “Ok, I’m trading Dupuis for a bag of doughnuts and a gummer from his mom.” SCOREUHHHHHH. Cart’s the man.

9:01 PM: Blahbity blah blah Versus blah baseball Crosby’s dad blah blah blah. Can we talk hockey now?

9:04 PM: Can I get a Prissy Lips Dive Count?

9:08 PM: Coburn is out for the game. Anonymous Prissburgh Fan has the official diagnosis, “He’s out with a fucked face. His pussy hurts.” Give me something to blog about, guys.

9:17 PM: Pens Rental AKA Hossa just knocked one in. At least it wasn’t Crosbitch.

9:26 PM: Shorty by Richie!!!!!!! You can’t get that at Wawa.

9:27 PM: And believe, I bet he’s more than six inches.

9:50 PM: Who shot Fleury? Badcallsburgh.

10:02 PM: Talbot tucks one in, but is quickly dispatched by Hatch. Wait, Downie didn’t get a penalty yet….

10:04 PM: Just got a text from Sweens: Shhh! Be quiet! Penguins Cancer Boy is trying to think!

10:21 PM: Anonymous Penwhines Fan is still alive, “We’re up 2-0 in the series and have outhit the ‘tough guys’. See you in South Philthy, knuckle dragging mouthbreathers.” Game’s not over yet.

10:23 PM: Fans from the sootiest city in the country, we’ll see you in Philly. Bring Cancer Boy, you’ll need him.

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 11th, 2008 at 6:44 pm.