Your regular Philebrities are indispose at the moment and I’m pinch hitting to make sure you people have something to push the clock until the whistle blows. What to discuss, what to discuss…I mean, we have “the smiley face killer” but it’s just not as tantalizing a story until you get to see the freak’s deadpanned mug providing monotone testimony on CNN ala BTK Killer, as the CNN anchor’s voiceover tells you how the suspect is an upstanding family man-boy scout troop leader-pastor. Put Precious in the bucket.

I’d like to talk about the Flyers, but that would jinx them. LETS. GO. FLY-ERS.

That leaves us with the tried and true – Ben Franklin. There’s a lotta Ben Franklin shit talk that goes on in Philly. A lot. My friend Steph and I were talking about it recently at work. Ben’s basically credited with inventing everything. And sure, he did a lot, and I’m not just talking the barmaids. But you know, what about the other crap he left us with? Why doesn’t anyone ever talk about that? Like global warming. That’s right, I said it. Ben Franklin invented global warming. Hey, you get the lovin’ for electricity, which yes, is a dope invention. But hey, years of all those lit up power grids is sucking the life out of our planet and Benny doesn’t live here anymore to fix it. After the jump check out the flip side of Ben’s work:

· The Franklin Stove, helping us to cook food, which led to today’s obesity pandemic. Yes, I said pandemic. That’s serious, yo.
· The urinary catheter. Guys, I don’t think I need to say anything here.
· The Lightening Rod. I don’t particularly have anything to say about this, I just wanted to use the word ROD. Oh my rod.
· He was a member of the Club of Honest Whigs. Frankly, I don’t know what that IS, and neither, apparently, does wikipedia. But it sounds like a bunch of white dudes hating on people and I’m going with that.
· OMG! Ben Franklin was involved in the Pontiac Rebellion?!?! We should have known Ben was in bed with Motor City, what with his face being on the Benjamins, OF COURSE he’d be making them. But off of Pontiac? Man. Pontiac. Well, he always was a ladies man. Of course he’d go for flashy wheels. No Blood for Oil, Ben.

I think you get our point. So if you see this guy around town tell him thanks. Thanks a lot.

This post was brought to you by another totally awesome Philadelphian, Annie Heckenberger. If you don’t know her, you should.
[Busted Ben Photo Credit: Steph Patrizio]

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 8th, 2008 at 2:30 pm.