TURNPIKE SERIES, ANYONE?: It’s down to the two PA teams to decide the Eastern Conference which means that a Pennsylvania team will play for the Stanley Cup for the first time in ages. The Flyers will face the the whining baby Sidney Crosby and the loathsome Pittsburgh Penguins beginning Friday night. Hockey fan or not, this should be an entertaining series to watch, as these teams DO NOT like each other. The Flyers will come in as an underdog in this series but as we have learned thus far, this means very little. The fact that The Flyers are even in this game is pretty shocking considering that they were the worst team in the NHL last year, and limped in to the playoffs this year. They will need to play nearly perfect hockey in order to beat the loaded Pens but at this point it’s starting to feel like the Flyers are a team of destiny, just like the ’04 Eagles (sorry bad example). Who would have thought going in to this year that it would be The Flyers who would contending for a Conference Championship? The games don’t begin until Friday, but WIP and Vitamin Water (what?) are teaming up to encourage you to protect the Rocky statue from crazed Penguins fan. We stand by the advice we gave you this morning. There is more to Philly than some half-wit fictional boxer.

OH NO HE DI’INT: Oh yes he did. In what seemed to be an attempt to remind us that he is still a crazy old man, Charlie Manuel decided to play Chase Utley at first base and rookie Brad Harman at second base while sitting the struggling Ryan Howard. This is questionable on several different levels. First, Chase Utley is probably the hottest player in baseball right now. It may seem as though Chutley could do anything, but is it really a good idea to mess with his mojo and start him in an unfamiliar position when he’s playing so well? Let’s see how it worked out…Ouch…Utley 0-4 for the first time this season. Second, after sitting out the whole game against his will, to bring Ryan Howard in during the Bottom of the Ninth down 2 runs with 2 outs to pinch hit is no way to spark a struggling hitter. Howard of course, struck out on 3 pitches in one of the worst at bats by anyone so far this season. Third, this all is done on the road, against the best team in the NL so far. The result of all of this Charlie Manuel “managing” was the Phillies losing the game and dropping from 1st Place in the NL East. Message to Charlie: Stick to what was working. We know, you’re a kooky old man and there’s no telling what you’ll do because you’re just nuts like that, but please, the less you try to manage the better off we’ll all be. Really.

Charlie Manual, doing everything in his power to avoid reliving this moment in 2008.

THE GOLD STANDARD?: Really Andy? Really? That’s it? You’re done. You go 8-8 last year, trade away your first round draft pick for this year, and then stand pat. No Wide Receiver pick-up, no Lito Sheppard trade, nothing. Do the Eagles actually expect us to believe that this team is good enough the way it’s currently constructed? I’ve been one to defend this franchise forever, but I’ve just about had it. If I was enough of an asshole I would go out today and buy a Cowboys jersey and join the ranks of the contrarian Philadelphia area Cowboys fans. I’m not that much of a douche, but this team almost begs you to reduce yourself to such blasphemous acts of fandom. C’mon guys, prove me wrong. Don’t turn me in to a douchebag ‘Boys fan. We let you skate last year because of the whole McNabb injury and your drug-crazed offspring, but you don’t have those excuses this year.

Finally, this past weekend saw the injury and euthanization of another Horse during Saturday’s Kentucky Derby. I’m no PETA member, I eat meat, wear leather, and own a pet, but isn’t it about time we ended this Horse Racing bullshit? It’s cruel, it’s inhumane, it’s boring, and it gave rise to rotting cess pools called Turf Clubs. Plus, I can’t seem to win one motherfucking horse racing bet no matter what I do! For these and many more reasons I say, shut the whole fucking sport down. We’ll all be better off without it.

Tony Carpenter’s “The Sportin’ Life” now appears on Philebrity each Wednesday.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 7th, 2008 at 1:47 pm.