And Now, An Open Letter To The Good People Of Canada
Dearest Neighbors To The North,
It has come to our attention that you intend to claim one of this city’s most well-known icons as your own. While other Philadelphians are in the first stages of tragedy (anger/denial), we here at Philebrity shall welcome you as liberators. It has long been our feeling that, well, and we are compelled to quote ourselves here, “The Rocky statue is FUCKING UGLY and our city is run by UNSOPHISTICATED RUBES.” And while we understand that for you guys, this is some kind of hockey gripe in which you believe you are “punking” us, this is not quite the case. The Rocky Statue is an albatross of a bygone age of tastelessness and low aesthetics; as the nation responsible for the creation of that lamprey Celine Dion, surely you can understand. So feel free to take this prank as far as you like. Set off a plastique explosive in Rocky’s crotch. Cut off the head, fill it with Molson, pass it around, and drink from it. Melt it down into your very own Stanley Cup. Uproot the thing altogether and take it back to wherever the fuck it is you dirty frogs come from. It is this website’s solemn promise that while this is all happening, we shall cry tears of joy and relief, and solemnly, thankfully, look the other way.
Yours,
Philebrity.com
700Level: Not All Of Us Believe
April 29th, 2008 at 10:30 am
yes, we really need a statue that exemplifies the new urbane, sophistiqué Philadelphia — how about Honus Honus tapering his jeans? We can put commission Bart Blatstein to put one in every ghetto in north philly.
April 29th, 2008 at 10:35 am
I searched but can’t find the Fitz Dixon quote from the day he saw the Rocky statue at the top of the steps. He said that he hoped it was a joke, it wasn’t even done well, Rocky’s feet were way too long, it’s a movie prop, etc. The unsophisticated rubes were very offended and called him a snob.
April 29th, 2008 at 10:48 am
I nominate myself as a replacement, of course.