YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE AWESOME “OPERATION” GRAPHIC WE HAD PREPARED: This column was originally going to be a scathingly critical review of the ’08 Phils, surgically dissecting their ineptitude following their dismal performance against the lowly Nationals this past weekend. But with the Phils, we can’t have anything nice: None of it seemed quite appropriate after they beat the Mets on the final home opener at Shea Stadium for their 9th straight win over the hated NY Metropolitans, so that will have to wait. There will undoubtedly be plenty of times during the season that such harsh critique will be totally appropriate, but this isn’t one of them. Instead, let’s remain positive (I know this goes against the grain of everything that we are, but open your hearts, Philadelphia) and enjoy the Phils complete and utter dominance of the Mets (or at least how that’s played out up until now).
The rivalry that has been heating up for a while now is about to boil over: One thing that could be helping is the fact that Chase Utley was hit by a pitch 3 times yesterday, and then hit again by the Mets first baseman as he was running to 2nd base. Either his Chutliness has gone from babe magnet to baseball magnet, or something stinks in NY. Well alright, a lot of stuff stinks in NY, but there has to be something to this. It should be interesting to see if the Phillies respond to this assault by targeting/beaning/sic-ing Burrell on the wives of a few Mets by the end of this series. Paging Buddy Ryan: You’re needed at the service desk for a Bounty situation STAT! Meanwhile, as a talisman, please accept this reprise of The Complete LOLMets as a form of Internet victory-raindancing:

WE CANNOT BELIEVE WE ARE ABOUT TO SAY THIS, BUT: It turns out that there are 2 more teams currently playing in Philadelphia! And apparently, they are playing quite well at the moment! The Flyers are gearing up for their first round playoff match up with the Washington Capitals and phenom Alexander Ovechkin which begins in Washington on Friday night. Even if you’re not all that interested in hockey (read: not white and from the Northeast), this might be a series that will grab your attention. Why? BLOOD. According to NBC analyst Pierre McGuire, “I think this will be one of the bloodiest series.” Plasma snowcone, anyone? He also stated that he thought the Caps would win the series due to their superior goal-tending, so we can’t trust everything this guy says. What the fuck does a guy named Pierre know about Hockey anyway? Everyone knows that all hockey experts are named Vinny or Tony and are from South Philly. Go Flyers.

In truly shocking news, your 76ers are gearing up for the playoffs, having clinched a berth this past Friday night. Regardless, if they are able to win in the first-round series or not, you have to appreciate what these kids have done this season and not just the part involving porn stars which, you must admit, was quite impressive in and of itself. No one except their mommas gave them a chance in hell to make it to the post-season this year, and they have emerged as one of the East’s better teams. They will bring their high-energy style and carefree attitude in to the playoffs and could just end up shocking everyone by making a run for the East. Even if they don’t, it’s all upside for this team looking to the future. Despite Ed Snyder’s reluctance to ever having a superstar in Philadelphia again, the 76ers are probably just one premier player away from being a Championship contender. The heart wants what it wants, Ed.

Right at this moment, all is well in the world of Philadelphia sports. This cannot last long, so take a picture or something. I would say to enjoy it, but everyone knows that Philadelphia fans aren’t truly happy unless they have something to bitch about. Fortunately, it almost certainly won’t be too long before there’s something that whips us fans up in to a frenzy and we’ll be back here every week to bitch along with everybody else. Until then, that’s sports.

Tony Carpenter’s “The Sportin’ Life” now appears on Philebrity each Wednesday.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 9th, 2008 at 1:23 pm.