After the jump, our bro and totally sweet dude Tony Carpenter presents YOUR 2008 PHILLIES!

Ahhh! Can you smell it? No, not the soon to be rotting corpse of the 07-08 Flyers, or the steaming pile of bullshit being served to you by Eagles’ Management already this year. It’s Spring, and here at the Philebrity Institute of Sports Sciences - Suburban Division, this could only mean one thing. That’s right folks, The Philadelphia Phillies 2008 season is right around the corner. With just under 2 weeks to Opening Day, let’s take a look forward to what should be another memorable if not ultimately disappointing season of baseball in Philadelphia.

“Is that bastard talking shit about me over there? I’ll whip him senseless, by gum!”

The Manager: Much to the amazement of most and to the dismay of many, Uncle Charlie is once again at the helm this year. Now I know he isn’t the most well spoken Manager in baseball, and that he just figured out how to make a Double Switch, but you really can’t argue with the results. Charlie Manuel should have been the Manager of The Year last season and he seems to get the most out of this talented young team. Not to mention, he threatened to kick the smug ass of WIP Radio Personality Howard Eskin last season, so he can’t be all that bad. It’s obvious that the doddering old bumpkin will be here at least for the upcoming season, so we might as well get used to it. His lack of baseball acumen will most certainly cost the team a few games down the stretch and leave the fans scratching their heads with his questionable (see moronic) in-game decisions, but it shouldn’t be too big of a factor. Plus, we’re all just starting to get used to translating his post game news conferences in to English.

The Infield: Howard, Utley, Rollins, Feliz & Ruiz make up what is arguably the best infield in The National League. Defensively they are much better now that they have an every day third-baseman on the roster and we all know how these guys can hit. They have also added some much needed right-handed hitting coming off of the bench with the signing of Eric Bruntlett. Having him on the bench will make it easier to swallow when Charlie pulls Burrell from the game for defensive purposes. With the reigning MVP at shortstop and a Second Baseman in Chase Utley that could have been the MVP had he been healthy all season, the improving first-base presence of Ryan Howard and the addition of defensive specialist Pedro Feliz at third, this infield is the reason that the Phillies will be playing meaningful baseball in September and October.

“Come and get some ladies. You do know Chase is married right? Wait, come back!”

The Outfield: Alright, now at the risk of being branded negative, there’s real cause for concern here. Not outright panic…not yet, but concern nonetheless. Of course, Pat Burrell is back and his anemic defense and inconsistent hitting are sure to return as well. He’s playing for a contract this year, so it may not be as bad as in years past, but we all know that Pat plays not for the love of the game or the money, but for the bitches. The key is, and maybe the key to the entire season is whether or not ol’ Pat The Bat can minimize his slumps and give you something from the field. I believe that he can as he did for the most part last year, but it remains a real question mark going in. But look on the bright side, if he delivers a piss poor season, he’ll be sipping appletinis in another city come ’09. The loss of fan and Philebrity-favorite Aaron Rowand hurts, and it remains to be seen if Shane Victorino, Jason Werth and So Taguchi can get it done every day. I’m not ready to call this outfield a disaster and there is some real potential for a breakout season from this crew, but they will remain a question mark. Look for some moves at the trade-deadline or even earlier in the season to bolster what is one of the weaker outfields in the NL East.

Gratutitous Anna Benson Shot

Pitching: Let’s start with the positives. Brett Myers is back in the rotation where he belongs and will be the Opening Day starter. Wretched personality aside, look for 20+ wins from him. Sure, he says he wants to be in the bullpen again this year, but better to harness his anger and use it over 7 innings instead of just 1, right? It’s probably a little safer for those around Brett off of the field too. Cole Hamels comes in with another year under his belt and something to prove. He’s gotta compensate for that itty-btty, um salary, somehow. He should be good for 20 wins if he can stay healthy all season, especially because he is playing for his future big money contract with the Mets or the Cubs. He will have a chip on his shoulder this year after what the slap in the face of a contract he just signed, so expect a little less of that lovable aww-shucks persona and a little more attitude. Number three is Souderton’s own Grandpa Moyer. He is a steady influence and should be fine, despite his advanced age and blistering 70 mile an hour fast ball. Here’s where it gets tricky. Who will round out the rotation? The Durbins and Kyle Kendrick have gotten hammered so far in Clearwater, and Adam Eaton is well, Adam Eaton. It’s impossible to know how this staff will shake out, but barring any surprise moves, my bet is on Kyle Kendrick and Adam Eaton to round out the top 5 at least until May when the newest Phillie Mr. Anna Benson, will be ready to go. This rotation is suspect and will rely heavily on J.C. Romero and new closer Brad Lidge to bail them out of trouble especially late in the season. The good news is that Brad Lidge, who has the potential to be one of the best closers in baseball, is ahead of schedule on his rehab and Romero is poised to have another strong season in relief. The success or failure of the Phillies this year may just come down to the production of Chris Benson as he rebounds from his year long injury. If he can’t, at least we’ll be able to stare at his hot wife for 162 games. After all of the failed seasons, and the wasted chances, the pitching once again is where we all need to worry. It’s way too early to push the panic button, but the Phils may not have enough pitching to remain the “team to beat” in the NL East.

So, clear some room for those Dollar Dogs and get ready for the return of Baseball! It is after all, the perfect excuse, at least for me, to do absolutely nothing for 3 hours, to forget about suburban cubicle hell and delude myself in to thinking that maybe hell has frozen over and it may just be our year for a Championship. No predictions just yet, but I wouldn’t count on a Mets collapse to get you in to the playoffs again this year. At the very least, we can look forward to a long summer of ogling Anna Benson, cursing Pat Burrell and trying to figure out what the fuck Uncle Charlie is saying. We here at the Philebrity Institute of Sports Sciences - Suburban Division, will keep you posted as the season begins and will return regularly with your Philly sports fix.

Tony Carpenter is a proud father of two, living in Drexel Hill. This is his first outing with the good ship Philebrity.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 19th, 2008 at 1:34 pm.