After the jump, BJK chronicles the odyssey of two young men to just get some fucking cable up in here already.

Open Letter To Comcast

Unedited Photo Credit: WiredBlog

This letter is in response to Comcast CEO Brian Robert’s keynote speech at the 2008 Consumer Electronic Show. According to Wired’s Blog Network, who covered the event:

Roberts promised to improve customer service standards at Comcast: “We want to get it right the first time. And if we don’t, to show respect to our customers.” Comcast will make the consumer King and “fess up” whenever it was at fault.

I’m asking you today to fess up that little has been done to back these statements.

Since moving into a new apartment on January 1st, my roommate and I have agreed to purchase your Digital Starter cable package and High-Speed Internet service. Your company has been unable to install it in a timely manner and we wonder why we should continue to wait longer than the five weeks we already have. I’ve created a time line to detail the effectiveness of your installation process.

Week 1

Date: January 1, 2008
Our Problem: A Comcast receptionist politely informs us that it will take several days for our apartment’s address to be added to the database. We wait.
Comcast’s Solution: We are embraced into the family as if we’re of the same blood, yet go through an agonizing week-long process trying to prove ourselves by frequency of inquiries to the help desk. We learn less and less each time. Finally, we are added and scheduled for a technician.
Our Thoughts: We imagine January 17th as our V-Day, a day when we will celebrate with friends and colleagues by playing games of Facebook Chess.

Week 2

Date: January 8, 2008
Our Problem: Once everything is unpacked, our rooms sound empty—our MacBooks whir with no motive, no calling.
Our Realizations: We need Internet, and fast. I Consider calling up Hotwire but the name catches me off-guard. After attempting to steal our upstairs neighbor’s WiFi from the backyard, I find out the hard way that “God” and “secretcode” are no longer popular WEP passwords. Neal and I make our first trip to Mugshots Coffeehouse to feel out the wireless real estate. It is good.

Week 3

Date: January 17th, 2008
Our Problem: The day is done and the Internet still far beyond our grasp. The technician shows up during the latter end of a three-hour window and informs us that our neighbor’s cable box, where the the connection will be pulled, is broken.
Comcast’s Solution: A maintenance ticket is opened, and the technician leaves after 15 minutes.
Our Realizations: We are bitter but not broken. We begin a mental list of friends who may owe us favors, and breathe relief that the maintenance guy will be there early in the afternoon on the 25th.

Week 4

Date: January 25th, 2008
Our Problem: The maintenance guy doesn’t show up during the 3:00 pm to 5:00 pm window. Neal calls frantically to the help desk to find out what went wrong, and is told that someone showed up and left. He checks his voice mail and sees that the maintenance worker had called, at 5:02 pm, while he was was on the line with Comcast. Defeat is felt throughout North Philadelphia.
Comcast’s Solution: The service representative schedules another technician to come install the cable, despite our knowledge that a maintenance worker will have to fix the problem. There is pleading and begging, but no budge from the service rep: a technician, who in our minds will only begin another circle of tickets, would be on their way in a few days.
Our Realizations: Comcast is playing an endless mind game with us, knowing full-well how we yearn to send e-mails by bedside instead of cold, late nights on campus.

Week 5

Date: January 30th, 2008
Our Problem: No one shows up. It’s comcastic.
Our Realizations: We don’t have the nerve to call and complain. We ponder a life without Digg and begin convincing our friends to revive their Twitter accounts. Wireless Philadelphia is still not an option.

Comcast, we concede. You are the bittersweet winner of this battle to install twenty-five feet of cable into our home. I hope you’ll consider this complaint as you continue to make customers royal.

Sincerely,
Brian James Kirk
Technologicology

Brian James Kirk is a writer and adventurer living in Philadelphia. By adventuring, he means occasionally to friends’ homes for games of Balderdash. If you know a Philadelphia technology scoop that would fit this space, you are graciously encouraged to get in touch.

Previously: Technologicology: Breakin’ The Chains Of DRM

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 5th, 2008 at 4:03 pm.