5:33 AM: We are here!!!!
5:35 AM: Pattison ave is packed lots of eagles gear (duh) cops everyhere I haven’t slept and I am beer drunk – heading to get our credentials now
There is already talk to do it at lincoln financial field next year because of the demand for tix
6:15 AM: Ok we are backstage now and there is at least 300 strippers are here in various states of undress and we just met up w dan gross !!!!
6:20 AM: Ok this is so scary and we cleary do not belong here – we accidentally just became part of the entrance parade did I mention how many strippers there are and wait YES first appearance of boobs on the jumbo tron!!!!! Showed a fat girl on the screen – she just got booed
6:25 AM: Woah there was a midget howard eskin complete with fur coat dancing down the parade route!
6:30 AM: 2nd pair of bare breasts makes the big screen!!!!! I should also mention that we are still in the introduction / entrance / parade portion of the contest – another fat girl was just booed !!!!
6:35 AM: Yes! The main morning show personality – Angelos daughter was shown on the screen as the crowd wanted to see more than her eyes
6:45 AM: First big fight in the stands !!!!!! Lots of cheering no clear winner – still bring the eaters out. Sadly this seems like one of the better behaved wing bowls
That fight is still somehow going on – beer begins to be served in 5 minutes which hopefully means lots more fights !!!!
6:50 AM: Throwing real money is in this year – 2 contestants have thrown handfulls of money at the crowd!!
7:30 AM: Ok contestant us male’s float is bin ladin in a guantamano bay prison cell with howard eskin – mid way through they executed them both
7:40 AM: The two favorites (and final contestants) made there way through el wingador and joey chestnut – wingador is the five time returning champ and recieves a heros welcome / chestnutt is booed and called faggott lots
7:45 AM: Wingador has a huge entourge – like massive suddenly lots more boobs and strippers kissing makes its way on the jumbotron – ITS FINALLY LIKE WING BOWL IN HERE
Croce the comissioner addresses the crowd – it’s about to START ! The crowd is begining to liven up – LETS DO THIS PHILADELPHIA !!!!!!!!!
and they are off ! the first round begins….focus has been on the contestants mostly but we all knows how long that lasts till it becomes THE BOOBIETRON. El Wingador has a 1 wing lead early on !
7:50 AM: wingdor is at 40 wings already with just 4 minutes time (ps i am on my third beer this hour)
ok it’s official – 5 minutes of wing eating before they move to showing tits and ass on the jumbo tron
Joe Chestnutt now has a 2 wing lead over wingador
also overheard in the pres s/ media elevator – this will be THE LAST WINGBOWL EVER due to insurance reasons / clearance. Too many fights and drunk people apparently. SAY IT AINT SO !
7:55 AM: (ps can you edit this to make some sense pleez)
TROUBLE ! our first pukey contestant – crowd is chanting PUKE i am crossing my FINGERS!!!!!
8:00 AM: once again they continually replay the worlds most intense huge vommit from 2001
he stopped eating – what a PUSSY
and the first round is OVER……..A suprising start by Brad The Lunatic. Commercial break now while they officially count the wings – which means BOOBIETRON
and swish ! nipple!
ps. sooo many tramp stamps and now the strippers are eating wings. This is making me want to break vegetarian. Last year I hated the wing bowl but this has ben pretty positive and less way less frat boy “douchey” I also took a nap which could have something to do with it. More nipple on the boobietron
8:05 AM: GENTLEMAN JERRY wins best entourage / float etc. Way to go! He wins a a free gigantic big screen TV and home theater + a vaccation for two to mexico
8:35 AM: Joey chestnutt in the lead at half time – the amount of breasts has increased tenfold
Girl gets topless in crowd and a bunch of laser pointers come out of nowhere as the laser beams dance all over her – so funny ?
Cover band now playing a song with the lyrics “show us your tits”
8:52 AM: its official crowd no longer cares
8:53 AM: as in crowd ONLY cares about breasts – they stopped showing thm on the screen but individual section hasve taken on the responsibility to alert the rest of the arena as to when someone is getting topless
8:56 AM: a wing bowl first! two girls boobies collided as the section was going NUTS
9:00 AM: cover band is playing The Chicken Dance but wih SHOW US YOUR TITS lyrics. I am sorry if it seems all I am talking about are boobs – but seriously its all anyone cares about now. I am going to save everyone thr trouble next year and just have MORNING MAMS – wehere we will all crowd into an arena and have girls flash a camera
and as I was typing this they just showed a fully naked woman on the boobietron
this woman “jillian” just won the best wingette contest (which means she wins a new car) – it’s only because she has the biggest fakest boobs
pat croce just kicked out a contestant because someone snotted out wings through their nose….
leaders of the 2nd half : 4/5 (tie) : Gentleman Jerry & US Male
they had 133 wings
TOP 3 : 189 wings – El Wingador
2 : 211 wings : Patrick Burtelitti (a punk)
1 : 224 wings : Joey Chestnutt
crowd booos and hates the weasel scumbag joey chestnutt
It is clear that Joey Chestnutt will win once again and the crowd leaves
9:00 AM: once again – PHILADELPHIA WILL NEVER WIN ANYTHING EVER AGAIN
9:05 AM: chestnutt has announced his retirement he is going out on top!
Final results : 3rd place 205 wings el wingador
2nd place : 227 wings pat berletti
First place 241 ings joey chestnutt

This entry was posted on Friday, February 1st, 2008 at 12:32 pm.