Technologicology: Air To The Throne
After the jump, Das Kirker ponders Steve Jobs‘ wardrobe, the new MacBook Snowboard, iBlockbuster and other bits in today’s MacWorld flight of fancy.
Steve, Please Get A New Outfit.
The Shtick Is Getting Kind Of Old.
When Apple whispered their product upgrades last week during CES, it was the equivalent of hearing the faint approach of a train as you anxiously wait in the subway. Fully knowing that Macworld was coming today, analysts foresaw the nod of such an unimpressive update to their product line as clearing the tracks for something big. Actually, it was much more likely that it was going to be small, even tiny.
As usual, the fan boys were all over the rumors, but this year their predictions were uninspired. Even the conceptualized, Photoshopped leaks (that tiny laptop pictured right, its track pad designed appreciatively for the hands of giants) are pathetic. Maybe it had something to do with ThinkSecret dropping to their knees in front of Apple’s lawyers, but something tells me that the real source of such dry rumors was simple.
And trust me, it hurts so good to say: How do you top the iPhone?
There was one rumor that might have topped it, and it had nothing to do with almost-erotic product design. If Jay-Z and Steve Jobs had announced a partnership, something really would have been in the air. But it’s obvious how much chemistry Bill Gates has already laid out with HOVA.
But back on earth, floating slightly above the ground in the local atmosphere, Apple let flow some cool shit at the conference. And by shit, I mean that — Apple could poop some of this stuff out.
The Macbook Air
It’s the ultimate techie trophy wife. It’s skinny. It’s sexy. It literally comes with no strings-attached. But Christ, I can’t deal with looks alone. I need a little smarts in my life, and this lady does nothing to challenge me. The iPhone made handset manufacturers and cell phone carriers re-think how they would design, package and sell phones. But the Macbook Air just makes things smaller and the price tag huskier. It’s a unique product strategy, Apple; when did you come up with that one? And just because I’m feeling a little frisky: the manila envelope wow-factor sucked balls.
And One More Thing…
Luckily, the announcements weren’t a complete loss. Apple’s new movie rental scheme makes up for the fact that they released a $2,000 sled. With general movie releases at a price point of $2.99 and new releases set at $3.99, along with a one dollar increase for those same movies in HD, they have matched, if not beat the industry standards. The question remains whether or not this system will actually be able to compete with Netflix. As someone who only feels an inkling to download movies on a whim, I’d never sign-up for a subscription service, and downloading from iTunes sure as hell beats a bike trip through Port Richmond to a Blockbuster.
The interesting thing to note is that even while Apple’s announcements aren’t nearly as groundbreaking as last year, they still managed to capture the imagination of the media, the fan boy, and the general public more impressively than any company was able all last week at CES. That’s good news for me — maybe someone will actually read the column this week.
Brian James Kirk is a writer and adventurer living in Philadelphia. By adventuring, he means occasionally to friends’ homes for games of Balderdash. If you know a Philadelphia technology scoop that would fit this space, you are graciously encouraged to get in touch.
Previously: Technologicology: Liveblogging The Liveblogs
