Fuck CBS 3’s olive branches. I want Alycia Lane to participate in Roller Derby night with the Broad Street Bitches.

I want local tv newscasters to be more, well, Philadelphian. I’d like many of the Daily News writers to be more articulate in a manner befitting a major, east coast newspaper.

I want my clients to pay me on time. I’d love a murderer with a big bankroll.

I want my student loan bills paid, and someone to do my laundry.

I want to go to Delilah’s Den with Dan Gross and Joey Sweeney and somehow convince them that the iron-clad protections of attorney-client privilege should run both ways.

After the jump, our friend and attorney keeps wishin’ and hopin’ and thinkin’ and prayin’.

I really, truly wish that I didn’t see the same demographics in the CJC on a weekly basis, and I’d like to see a better government assist that community in ways it so overwhelming deserves (better schools, mostly) so that it can get back on its feet on its own terms. This is Philadelphia, folks. We’re all in it together.

Christ almighty, I want there to be more hyper educated individuals in city government like Michael Nutter, and less like Rick Mariano. Nutter’s civil liberties take is a bit disconcerting, but fuck-a-diddle-do, at least I know a bright guy is in office dealing with a difficult situation. Better than having someone twiddle their fingers beside a dumpster waiting to buy an iPhone.

I’d like Philebrity to pay me with a perpetual, benevolent currency of nubile young interns and copious amounts of grog.

I’d like more time to play the saxophone.

I wish some of the waitstaff at Johnny Brenda’s would be friendlier to guys in suits, but Candesa and Matt from West Memphis are two of the nicest gin-slingers in town, bar none.

I wish that Zoe Strauss and Sara Stolfa have all the success in the world, and are financially remunerated accordingly. They deserve it.

I wish Vince Fumo and Ed Rendell would just come out and say, “Ya know what, we did this casino thing because we have some well connected friends who contributed beaucoup bucks over the years, and we just never had the balls or the creativity to properly neuter the City Wage and Property Taxes on our own.”

I wish that Septa would be a public service agency that served as a reminder of what unites us all (like NYC) and less of what divides us (in classic Philadelphia fashion).

I wish someone could explain to me why having severe emotional problems seems to be a prerequisite to working as a bike messenger.

I wish I knew more people like Bradley Maule, and fewer people like…..oh, the list is long, but distinguished.

I wish that the real estate market in Philadelphia was more geared towards reality, and less towards suburban wet-dream advertising buttressed by shitty construction and inflated real estate prices.

I wish that somebody could substantiate anti-trust practices of local real estate agencies that have over-inflated the local market.

I wish for the Ministry and Old City and Northern Liberties to be like they used to be. I’m grateful that Copa, Monk’s, and Villa Di Roma will never change.

And in spite of all that I wish was different, I’m thankful that Philadelphia is what it is. I’m glad I came back, and I wish to stay here forever.

This entry was posted on Friday, December 21st, 2007 at 2:40 pm.