You can block out the beer-marinated flyers and bulletins if you want to, but there’s a party every night in December. Man up and pull through this with me. It is the final trial of our mettle, and I know you’re made of more than taurine and yellow no. 5…

This Shit Is Bakery Fresh

Before it could come to this, we had to close out on 11/29 with The Zoo, a last Thursday monthly c/o Scottytoodope & Diamond Girl. They brought their youngest DJ game in the city to life with electro and a side of mash. As Mo Money No Problems racked up as many sweet young thing points as it could, the crossover effect had allied forces shifting between Silk and the Barbary. At MoMoNoPro, never have so many people pretended to go wild over ringtone rap. Pleased to report that balls dropped under both roofs. As for your December itinerary, I am throwing my most enthusiastic question marks at Jang and Nxt Lvl, two throw-it-and-see-if-it-sticks coming soon. My conversations will become that much more cryptic.

Not long after the M.I.A gunfire died down, a sound so native to Philly that you can take it in shame or pride as the Electric Factory crowd vote decided, I developed a new crush. While most of you were trying to justify your Jocelyn Kirsch lust and the-next-Diplos were crafting love poems that rhymed “Arulpragasam” with “orgasm,” I fell hard for the Omaha Mall Shooter.
I’m savvy on your frustration, Hawkins, but a rage on solid danceground is all I need. It would have been a sweet Gallery frolic for us. Sad face.

Have you guys been to Macy’s Dickens Village yet? It’s like Making Time in there. We’re talking intensely-dressed employees visiting the bathroom a lot and robotic moves from the increasingly-aging village dolls. Add the clusterfuck of shoppers and you’ve got Candyland. You get a date with Santa at the end. I would quote him from the interview but he called me a not-very-nice name. Still flyin’ high? Light Show afterparty?

Tuesday was the start of Amateur/Queer/Rap-Snacks-Sponsored/Hip Hop Night at Sal’s, or as they’re calling it, Hip Hop Hooray. This month, there was plenty of Faggot Snappin’, gold wrapping paper, male barrettes, and the above-menched dollar store Rap Chips to go around. What more do you want? A spontaneous-yet-perfectly-choreographed dance teaser between Sgt Sass’ DeShawn and assistant Travis? You got it. If Talkin’ Shit was a more realistic, less mainstream Dancing with the Stars, they’d be the win.

It was reassuring to see last year’s Lordess of the Dance, Flaxen Minx Mindy, at Woody’s, where Dave P & Adam Sparkles fielded Sparks-mandated traffic between the gays and the straights, until it was a delicious casserole of sound and movement. I take the Festival of Lights seriously.

DO WANT/DO NOT WANT

Faux Shearling/Faux Identities
Romeo Bar-b-quin With My Honey Chips/Pimp C Appreciation

Confessions On The Dancefloor

This one comes to us straight from the Velveteen Rabbit:

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

[The Velveteen Rabbit, Margery Williams]

TrendFucking

eBay Vintage Stores

Shopping vint is too easy to garner much respect these days. The crop of online secondhand shops with friend-models wearing headbands, giant sunnies, and mom jeans was abundant this year. Sites like Spanish Moss Vintage are now responsible for the credit card hell and cut&paste looks of the Philly femmes en force. Whatever it is, put it back in that dusty trunk and bury it. Then dig out one piece at a time and build from there instead of throwing it all on at once. There, you already look presentable. Those headbands can block oxygen flow to the brain if not applied in moderation.

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 6th, 2007 at 3:34 pm.