I get the feeling that most casual basketball fans in Philadelphia know less about the Sixers now than they have in a long while. But I can help you get to internet-know your new look Sixers with a classically irreverent mix of witticisms and YouTube videos.

After the jump, Michael Fichman re-introduces you to your Philadelphia 76ers!

Despite the unseasonable warmth, winter sports are getting in full swing. Last week, we took a look at the ‘07-’08 Flyers, this week we get to know our mystery 76ers — a ragtag collection of dudes not named Allen Iverson. I get the feeling that most casual basketball fans in Philadelphia know less about the Sixers now than they have in a long while. Iverson was such a dominant personality for so long that everybody else was merely “cast.”

Now, I’m only a blogger, and as such, I don’t really interview players, nor would I want to, because that would involve putting on pants and leaving the house. But I can help you get to internet-know your new look Sixers with a classically irreverent mix of witticisms and YouTube videos. So here it is, your Philadelphia 76ers Classically Irreverent Witticism and Video Tribute:

The bol Andre Iguodala is known league-wide for his supernatural dunking ability. And by supernatural, I mean he’s on some double super-wide matrix shit. Here are some things Small Forward Andre Iguodala can jump over:

Here’s some visual evidence of his Lakers overflights:

Kyle Korver is consistently the most emo Sixer. His haircut makes him a consistent threat to whine so much that you leave him uncovered as a matter of self-preservation. Not only that, with his unique status as a better-than-mediocre white jump shooter, he pops up just about everywhere you look. Cameo appearances falsely attributed to Small Forward Kyle Korver:

Here’s a video of a video of Korver improbably throwing a basketball off a wall and into the hoop:

Coach Mo Cheeks was the only one to grant me exclusive, behind-the-scenes access. Here is a list I compiled of things you will never find in Mo Cheeks’ house:

Mo Cheeks helps that shy little girl sing the national anthem (this is my favorite):

Samuel Dalembert is the most conspicuous dude on the team. Real talk: I saw him at a West Indian barbeque and soccer tournament in Clark Park and the dude is fucking HUGE!! Not coincidentally, you can’t leave an ox-tail in plain sight with dude around. I saw him grubbing the fuck out. Other things you can’t sneak by Center Samuel Dalembert:

Watch Sammy D reject the fuck out of Yao Ming:

Shavlik Randolph is a wastrel, bench-riding former Duke player who is in the pantheon of white guys with names that make you think they are black until you see them. (Other members include the actor Tyrone Power and San Diego Padres shortstop Khalil Green.) Also, Shav is a known homophobe, having made some extremely nasty comments about how he’d treat a teammate known to be gay. Here are some ways in which Shavlik Randolph doesn’t want you “bringing your gayness on him“:

John Amaechi explains that Shavlik Randolph types are exactly why he could never come out playing in the NBA:

Point Guard Andre Miller was the centerpiece of the Iverson trade, and the man is a downright sick passer. He’s consistently one of the most underrated players in the game, but dude can toss an alley-oop from just about anywhere on the court at any time. Here are some places he has thrown an alley-oop:

Here, Andre throws an oop in a more conventional setting:

So there you have it, a brief, witty and irreverent look at your 2007-2008 76ers. With some luck, these hardscrabble no-names will fight their way into the playoffs of the mediocre Eastern Conference using a combination of grit, wacky trick plays and a stunning late season winning streak immortalized in montage form.

Go Sixers!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 24th, 2007 at 2:18 pm.