You might not know about any of this since Myspace bulletins have been down all day (DJ Deejay, what have you filled your time with this afternoon?), but we can fill you in on the only things you need to know about. Let’s get to it…
FRIDAY
>>> If you missed Jay Reatard perform last night at […]

>>> Jumpin’ Jack Flash! Tribute Band raises its lighter to Hot Rocks, the best Rolling Stones cover band this side of the Atlantic. These guys are the real deal. Well, as close to the real deal as you can get being a cover band. They’ve opened for the Stones and announced tour dates on their […]

· Alert your creditors and brace for the holidays knowing that you got a sweet new one-stop for Mom, Sis, and Metrosexual Bro: Foster’s Urban Homeware will open its new flagship store at 4th & Market on August 1. Brands repped include an Apartment 399 furniture sample studio thing, oxo, iittala, Chilewich, Umbra, Riedel, Schott […]

ROUND ONE: Philly Mag rolls out their Best Of Philly ish on Monday and we’re gonna let you know now that we’re probably not in it. That’s just not our train, baby. (Ah, but once…) They’re celebrating themselves at the Cira Centre’s Rae on Aug. 1., with SELF-PARKING. Okay, guys, get back inside. You’re boring […]

CAMDEN, N.J. — A Camden peace rally has some residents upset about the featured performer who sings about snitches.
Rap artist Swizz Beatz is a featured performer at Thursday night’s “Peace on the Streets” rally in Camden.
But with lines like, “It’s me snitches, and I ain’t gonna shoot ya, I could just choke ya,” some wonder […]

· Avalon, NJ: Consider your spot blown up. The NY Times visits, checks in with The Princeton and The Windrift, and boom, guess what? Avalon just got that much harder to book a room in. [NYT]
· Night In Venice, Weird Week, you name it: If you’re desperate for ever more Shoretalken®, local writer Jen Miller […]

[Photo credit: ramseyarnaoot]

>>> Tonight begins International House’s “Beyond Leone – Lost Spaghetti Western Classics”, their program of only the dirtiest, dago-ist shoot-’em-ups that runs through Saturday. First up? Lee Van Cleef’s Day Of Anger, plucked right from the collection of Quentin Tarantino his own damn self. Check the link for details of the remaining days, and practice […]

· Remember that piece of shit Charlie Myers from last week’s Street Urchin Report? You know, the 18-year-old suspect in the shooting death of 14-year old Tykeem Law? Dude got the shit beat out of him before he could even make his first court appearance. Bravo, jailhouse thugs, brav-fucking-o. [ActionNews]
· Kids of Wissahickon High, you […]

· Attention venture capitalists: Get at us. We just decided we want to turn the old 26th District po-po station into a debauched mansion/compund/studio rife with sex, drugs and creativity. It just seems like the right thing to do. Hook us up with a co-sign and the down payment and we’ll let you come to […]

>>> Every minute that Courtney Love continues to draw breath is a minute in which Beretta 76 (pictured) becomes a much, much more attractive option to those looking for nicotine-stained sweet rock ‘n’ roll nothings. The Man is even catching on: On Sunday at 9am and noon, Action News will take a break from fearmongering […]

Talkin’ is as talkin’ does, after the jump.

>>> Mark and Audrey take Cheap Dates to the Manayunk and Roxborough neighborhoods. In their cheapest date yet, they eat pizza, enjoy ice cream, and trek through one of our city’s best parks. Oh, to be young and in love (with limited cashflow!).
>>> Clips We Love checks in with Dinner With The Band. In this […]

While we were anxiously awaiting Vincent Fumo’s response to this rabble rousing request from Hallwatch guru Ed Goppelt, things might be mellowin’ out for Vince, Sugarhouse, Foxwoods, and every neighborhood bordering the Delaware.
In the thick of summer, we know you’ve spent alot of time hitting up those Fishtown house parties, so here’s your revised novella: […]

>>> If you read “Crust Gets In Your Eyes,” this week’s Philadelphia Weekly cover story, a strange thing may have happened: Like us, you enjoyed it for once and thought the in-depth exposé on the crust/modern-day hobo life was actually well-thought out, written with elegant economy and even, holy shit, insightful. In PW’s post-Steve Volk […]

Now, the first thing you want to know is how do I know she’s a lesbian and not a man. Let’s be clear: She is a lipstick lesbian and prefers butch women. Mostly on the plump side, these gal pals are disguised as her “female security.” Off hours, they usually wear plaid and can be […]

[Photo credit: blonde sagacity]

>>> How many Vice parties does it take to make Colt 45 cool? We’ll tell you when we finish this free pounder! Broadzilla and Mike Z do their part at Silk City. Freeness reigns from 9 to 11.
>>> As mentioned below, The Capitol Years and a capella powerhouse The Silver Ages play Jefferson Park at […]

“Heidnik’s House of Horrors.” A rarity. Released on the obscure “Suspiria” label and pressed on blood-red vinyl, this punk rock tribute to killer Gary Heidnik features a melody that can best be described as “primitive.” But how can you hate a song with lyrics like “He had a basement straight out of hell / Marquis […]

The band plays a free show this evening in Jefferson Square Park in South Philly. For more, check listings.
P.S. For Capitol Years superfans, here’s Dave and Kyle’s ABC Adventures as well, respectively.
Previously: Capitol Years/Philebrity.tv World Premiere: “You Can Stay There”