Regular readers of this site will, of course, be familiar with our own Kelly White. Kelly’s words have been gracing this index for well over a year now; she has pretty much been our best intern ever. So we’re giving her a job. As of today, Ms. White is officially no longer an intern and now Contributing Editor. In addition to her weekly column Talkin’ Shit and the Kelly White Explains It All series, Kelly’s now posting daily. And we do welcome her now that she’s been all upgraded and whatnot. After the jump, we catch up with Kellz and get to the beating heart to what drives this relationship: Deep, howling familial guilt.

JS: Alright, Kelly White, you ready? CAN WE PLEASE FREAK OUT LIKE CRAZY PEOPLE?

KW: If we all freak out like crazy people, then no one is really crazy anymore.

JS: Alright, the topic at hand: Welcome aboard, kiddo. I knew ya had it in ya.

KW: And I really do. It’s in the blood.

JS: Well, yeah. That’s the crazy part. Do you wanna tell the story?

KW: Everyone who will listen already knows it, but the night I became an intern at Philebrity, we found out that we were related because you recognized my Grandpa’s house after dropping me off at home. And luckily, since you’re a hardass, we’re nepotism-free at Philebrity, so if you guys didn’t want me around, I’d be banished from the kingdom.

JS: I know this may sound odd to people, but you really speak to the truth that here in Fishtown, one is taught to always approach extended family with suspicion, derision and a single drinking glass of Milwaukee’s Best. It is, however humble, our way.

KW: It’s usually best to run away in those situations: The long-lost family member always convinces you that you owe them money or have somehow inherited their debt.

JS: Like on Big Love.

KW: It almost never works out that they happen to be the creator of your favorite blog. I thought you were gonna give up on me the second I called you from a pay phone by Delilah’s Den telling you that I was lost on the way to our first meeting.

JS:Easy, kid. Tell the people your unique qualities and what you’ll be doing as Contributing Editor. F that, tell me.

KW: I am intensely Philadelphian, I obviously have Arctic Splash blood which has magical properties similar to that of unicorn blood, and my mind is like a tape recording of the city’s secrets.

JS:In the words of Rick Bobby: People, that just happened. But no, seriously: What is your beat(s)?

KW: I’ll be posting as always, but with more concentration now that there’s a camera on my back. I’m still green, and fresh on it, but it’s fun to watch because I go out a lot and get into things. I keep a list of DJ nights in my head, I’m really into fashion, I’m a foodie. But I’m still really ghetto and have no class, thanks to Fishtown. I embrace that.

JS: You’re too harsh on yourself, but you know what? That’s good ’cause it’s less work for me.

KW: Exac. It’s kinda impossible to hurt these feelings. This is why we work well together. I find that the blogging world kills interns. Which is fine with me.

JS: Well, yeah. It kinda did get to the point where we had to start paying you. Or you’d kill us.

KW: Well, you know, there are probably people in Philly who would do it for me, but banish the thought!

JS: What? Why, I’m as well-loved as Charles Foster Kane or Lou Barlow! Oh, you know what? I always meant to ask you something: What was up with the protagonist in Duane Swerczitypaper’s last book being YOUR NAME?

KW: I actually wondered about that, too, but never asked. Yo Duane, if you get a min., knock that out for us?

JS:OK, that is creepy. He never called you up or emailed, and said, “Kellz UR in my novelz, im stealin ur names OK?”

KW: Never ever, and I always wonder if he was writing the book during my internship there? Or before? Or after i left? Questions.

JS: You want me to call some guys I know?

KW: I guess it’s not a bad name.

JS: Trust me, you could do worse.

KW: Clearly.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 31st, 2007 at 9:56 am.