The thoughtless, callous humiliation of Ms. Cahn left me disgusted and enraged, so I issue the following:

A FOPWA:
I think it’s sad commentary on our fair city that this pathetic high-fiving mouthbreather (I won’t say “man”) can walk the streets without anyone with a sister, wife or daughter stepping to and beating him without mercy. I call on the robust blue-collar manhood of Philadelphia to do just that.

A CHALLENGE:
Let the record show that I, Whimsy, would be only too happy to take to the the field against this aging adolescent on Ms. Cahn’s behalf.

After the jump, Whimsy calls out The Wacky Hacky Morning Show Panty Raider. And then surprises even himself.

Fists, gloves, Queeensbury rules, swords, pilows, staffs or pistols, it matters little to me–I am familiar with them all. Winning isn’t even the point, nor is defense of Ms. Cahn’s honor–she seems quite capable of defending herself. No; I just want the satisfaction of connecting with that smirking puss just once. He and his kind are My Natural Enemy–the very embodiment of all the things I oppose and despise–and so I want nothing more than to shove a 60 pound snapping turtle down his pants (ask Mr. Sweeney–I know where to find one). His blood-curdling screams would certainly be radio ratings gold.

Of course, these gestures are nothing, since the clown just pulled an Imus. Bye bye, Ozark–I hope you’re soiling your trousers right now. “Chicks”, huh? Whaddaya gonna do…

~ Gorgeous George Whimsy

Only moments later, this next missive arrived:

From: email@lordwhimsy.com
Subject: FORTY?!
Date: June 12, 2007 6:28:55 PM EDT
To: tips@philebrity.com

I just discovered this guy is…FORTY YEARS OLD.

In that case I withdraw my challenge–he’s obviously developmentally impaired.

Sweet Fancy Moses. Forty. FOR-TY. Wow.

Well, Whimsy, you’re right: It’s not OK to beat up retards. But I think we all could agree that just this once, it would be okay.
Related: NBC10: But Lu Ann Might Have Gotten There First [video]

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 13th, 2007 at 9:56 am.