8:00: These WHYY TV intros always have a way of coming off as though they’re produced for people who’ve never seen a television, a person, or a politician before. But whatever: I love the The Next Mayor logo. Ooh, look they just showed Wendy Warren! HI WENDY!

8:03: Is Marty Moss-Coane actually wearing rose-colored glasses? Oh, Marty! You’re as sly as a fox.

8:04: Nobody’s said a word and Marty is already telling everybody to mind their p’s and q’s. Welcome to Philadelphia.

8:04: Intros: Bob Brady and Dwight Evans already look like beaten men. Chaka, what the fuck have you got to be so smiley about? Tom Knox looks dead and red as usual, and Nutter is beaming with the prom queen smile of someone who knows he’s the smartest person in the room right now.

8:06: First question to Brady. You people seriously need to hear my Bob Brady imitation. It’s a sort of combo of Moe Sizlak and the lisp that comes with a cleft palate, with the slight bouquet of cheap whiskey.

After the jump, liveblog continues, followed by analysis.

8:08: Sometimes I think Dwight Evans should win this thing, but he’s just too boring. It’s never gonna happen.

8:09: Meanwhile, every time Chaka Fattah speaks, my blood boils. I look at this man and I feel like something is already being stolen from us. Dude is at the point where his talking points are an act of aggression.

8:10: Tom Knox is so fucking far out of his water it’s sad. This poor millionaire.

8:11: Nutter, you’re not electrifying me, either. All these dudes are exhausted. Why aren’t any women running, by the way? Somebody needs to break up this sausage party. It’s funny when you think about the fact that Renee Chenault-Fattah could take this thing like 5 times easier right now than Chaka.

8:12: Dwight Evans is really very handsome. If this race was based on looks, E would have it in the bag. Oh, hold the phone, this guy is really starting to shine when he talks about education. Look out, Table Full Of Zombies!

8:14: Chaka Fattah is pissed off at Edison Schools, Evans is giving Vallas props. Nutter sneaks his point in about schools, and whoa! Back to the white guyzzzz! Hopefully, this MacBook has a snooze alarm.

8:16: In a world where we could all be honest with each other about how people represent the places they come from, Bob Brady’s speaking manner alone would be enough of a howling embarassment to keep him out of office or public life for all time.

8:18: Again, Evans, scoring big on straight talk about schools, and Fattah grandstands like a giant tool.

8:19: Knox on schools: “Not on their watch, on my watch, and we should get it back on my watch.” Thanks for that, Grandpa. Somebody give this guy his meds.

8:20: EVERYBODY’S TALKING AT THE SAME TIME! WOOOOO! PAARRRTYY! IT’S A TALKING PARTY!

8:20: Marty Moss-Coane just asked Fattah about poverty in the city. Or pressed the play button that activates the noise that comes out of his mouth. “I’m Chaka Fattah, and I am Teddy Ruxpin-ing the shit out of this message.”

8:23: Bob Brady has not said a word in 7 whole minutes, and when asked about bringing jobs to Philly, Knox jumps all over it, and Brady goes back to not saying shit about shit. When did this guy turn into Al Taubenberg?

8:25: Evans is all over Fattah’s poverty beat like a mashup that’s better than the original songs. Don’t be surprised if Evans starts to get a little traction after this. Oh wait, scratch that, it’s on Channel 12.

8:25: Marty and Nutter both seem real pissy about the everybody-talking-at-the-same-time thing.

8:27: Marty volleys the So You’ve Never Held Public Office Before question; Howdy Doody busts out the stock “No, but I know how to make money!”

8:28: Brady gets his first unintentional laughs: Knox and Brady go back to trying to take each other down. Go ahead, you fools, knock each other out. Go nuts.

8:30: When Tom Knox gets mad, he totally sounds like Philly Boy Roy.

8:31: This whole discussion thus far has been so wonky and pie-in-the-sky. I could use a drink. I think Marty’s dropping the ball on these questions, but it’s hard to tell.

8:32: Here we go: Nutter fields a question about stop’n'frisk: This tough talk — and his “but it’s FOR THE CHILDREN!” spin on it — is gonna single-handedly be the thing that gets him elected, but it’s also the one thing in his whole deal that is a real dick policy and makes his campaign fear-based, and thus, in the puny minds of the average Philly voter, totally electable. If Bob Brady invented Stop N Frisk, he’d be called the biggest racist in the world, he’d be Rizzo. Just saying.

8:35: Speaking of Brady, here he comes: Whoa, Brady, is totally anti-Stop N Frisk: “I’m not tryin’ to disrespect anybody.” We know you’re not, Bobby, it’s ok. This called a debate, Bobby! DEE-BATE!

8:37: It’s a Stop N Frisk pile-on! Evans calls it racial profiling which, yo Mike, IT IS, and even Knox is all like “Gakity gak gak gak gakkdsafjdkljsklfjdsklj.” Good point, Tom.

8:38: Brady wants to make the suburban douches who come here on the weekend pay for all the shit we need. Let it be known that this is the only Bob Brady policy that Philebrity endorses.

8:40: It’s totally insane: Just hearing the voice of Chaka Fattah makes me want to put on Hulk gloves and beat the face out of my own face.

8:41: Knox has the floor. WHERE IS MY DRINK?

8:42: Nutter on regional partnerships: He wants a “metro county caucus” to iron out the Bob Brady Policy To Make Non-Philadelphians Pay For Our Shit. Apparently, this is an idea whose time has come. But I mean, come on, this is bullshit. It’s never gonna happen. If people in the suburbs cared so much about Philly, then, uh, why do they live there?

8:44: Marty: “Why do Philadelphians resist change?” Dwight: “The problem is the tone that is set in City Hall,” and so on. Evans is owning this shit tonight, really. Good for him. And Fattah has this way of following Evans that makes Evans look even more attractive. Oh God, Freudian slip. Sound more attractive. Sound.

8:47: Nutter’s answer to the same question: “We are who we are and we get what we get.” Also totally true in a strangely Spicoli kind of way.

8:48: Every time a politician says that something is “about the children,” God dies a little.

8:49: Actual Brady quote on Knox’s background as a bean counter: “He dint count them beans too good.” Bartender? Get this man the coldest Coors Light you have your refrigerator. SPEAKING OF, GOD I’M THIRSTY.

8:50: New Next Mayor Drinking Game: Every time Fattah speaks, drink. For the rest of time.

8:52: Brady: “I don’t have a racial bone in my body.” Cancel that drink.

8:54: Evans shining again, talking about segregation. Full disclosure: I don’t know nearly as much as I should about Evans’ officially policies, but tonight, he’s making more sense than anybody.

8:56: Nutter on segregation in Philadelphia: A cross-cultural tour program where people who live in one neighborhood can go and see some other neighborhoods. In ancient times, this program was known as A JOB.

8:57: Brady wants more vo-tech in City high schools, which makes sense in a slightly defeatist way, but OH MY GOD, BOB BRADY IS WEARING A KABALLAH BRACELET AND I AM NOT KIDDING!

8:59: Fuck, is this thing gonna overlap with the Sopranos? Hello, HBO West Coast.

9:00: Michael Nutter is also fond of mechanics.

9:02: Knox thinks the future of Philly jobs is in hi-tech and healthcare. He’s probably right.

9:03: Nutter fields a question from some high school students about parks: He brings it to’em wonky-style. Zzzzz.

9:05: Fattah wants more afterschool programs, and yes, God is dying just a little. But he is right, for once.

9:06: Brady talking about rec centers and actually, finally, he sounds authoritative.

9:07: Evans wants some dedicated systems of revenue for the Dept, of Recreation.

9:09: Chaka Fattah basically just said that rich white people care more about “green spaces” than they do about the “plight of the children,” and then followed it with something about how we all need to come together. Yes, even you rich white people who care more about “green spaces” than you do about the “plight of the children.” Come together!

9:10: Oh shit, Marty just pulled the plug! Sopranos after all! Yay!!!!!

Analysis overall: Having slept on it, that first impulse was true: Marty dropped the ball on the questions here. Nearly every one played directly into a talking point the candidate in question has been pimping to death for months now. The screws were put to no one, and as a result, the debate was essentially a non-event, with Nutter presiding in a slightly obnoxious way, and most of the rest of the gang fumbled, scrambled and in general showed how much they really were on the ropes. With the notable exception of Dwight Evans, that is. Though there’s already a press release in my inbox proclaiming how Nutter dominated the debate — always the most obnoxious kind of press release a pol can send out because if the dude DID “win,” he wouldn’t need to flaunt it — it was Evans who really carried himself with confidence and aplomb. Nutter had plenty of great things to say, but the whole Stop N Frisk thing is quickly becoming Nutter’s major liability. Hopefully, Chris Matthews will play a little bit rougher with these guys tonight.
Note: Last night’s debate can also be viewed on Comcast OnDemand.
[Photo credit: Yong Kim, courtesy The Next Mayor.]

This entry was posted on Monday, May 7th, 2007 at 9:17 am.