The Philebrity Lexicon: “Hammers”

daveHam·mers · noun, pejorative.
Classification of white males (mostly suburban) from roughly 1979 to 1990, frequently spotted in “DELCO” and other lower-middle-class suburbs. Term is derived from hammer-like motions produced in HEAD-BANGING along to heavy metal style music. HAMMERS were noted for their devotion to this style of music, as well as ROLE-PLAYING GAMES and MULLETS. While often mentioned in the same breath as DOMERS, HAMMERS seldom dated DOMERS. Rather, HAMMER sexuality was often confused and thwarted by frequent combinations of acne, bad hair and poor social skills. Instead, the HAMMER often obsessed over games, cars and SATANISM, the last of which was most frequently used as a posturing device to convey a sense of danger. HAMMERS came into existence with the golden age of FASHION METAL, even though many professed to be opposed to bands such as POSION and MOTLEY CRÜE, preferring less “faggy” bands such as JUDAS PRIEST. Nevertheless, HAMMERS seem to have disappeared along with the era they so detested. By 1995, GRUNGE had absorbed most of the HAMMER population. (HAMMERS never quite recovered from the trend of popular ridicule spurred on by the WAYNE’S WORLD series of films.) In the present days, most HAMMERS lead lives much like the rest of us (see PRESTON & STEVE) and choose not to speak of their previous selves.
The Philebrity Lexicon seeks to put down for posterity the words we’ve been saying all our lives. Got a suggestion for the Lexicon? Just make sure it’s a word; no grunting “YO”‘s our “YOUSE”‘s here. And send it along to tips[at]philebrity[dot]com.

5 Responses to “The Philebrity Lexicon: “Hammers””

  1. sweetjohnny Says:

    Is that a picture of Dave Mustaine?

    Not that I’d know who he is or anything…errr…right.

  2. Nate Says:

    “preferring less ‘faggy’ bands such as Judas Priest”

    Ha! Best line written on this site in awhile.

  3. Citizen Mom Says:

    I’ve been known to rock that British Steel album to this day.

  4. C. The Impaler Says:

    Oh come on. NPR tried out the “hey let’s diss the metalheads of yor'” like two months ago, and got a massive beat down from their membership.

    Gotta take off the wool gloves if you want to be on the pulse.

  5. Pop Cesspool Says:

    All ye sinners, read about the fictional Metal Church:

    (‘Twas originally published in Barrelhouse.)

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