THE THRILL OF VICTORY AND THE AGONY OF DEFEAT
SEAN AGNEW REPORTS: Arrived. About 2,000 people tailgating — parking costs nothing! Free amazing! Made friends with locals, offered up free beer, they have VIP passes and incubs [sic].
SEAN AGNEW REPORTS:
5:00am: Wingettes arrive in parking lot - crowd freaks out and goes crazy.
Yesssssssssssssss. So many Miller Light cans
5:02am: Dude in EAGLES jersey pukes all over himself, parking lot boos a whole
lot. Chants of Donovan McNabb start (reference to the eagles QB throwing up in the super bowl). Crowd then begins to
chant PUSSY and it spreads like rapid fire
participant blames it on a bad bagel sandwhich
After the jump, the complete Agnew Goes To The Wing Bowl.
5:09am: Arrive in linee - its long - everyone is drunk
5:14am: After 5 minutes we note that there is not a single female in line at all
5:24am: Josh and Jeff run into a staff person they know - they are promising “vip
floor access” we are hoping for it
5:25am: Two different strippers have given us free admission cards, they told us
WIng Bowl is one of their busiest days
5:35am: - HOLY SHIT! We just ran into ECW wrestler SANDMAN (pictured) - he asked if we were
“press’ we said yes but luaghed at him a lot
he just walked away. Ohh well - we are now at least prepared for the next
celebrity encounter
5:40am: - We just got VIP access with wristbands heading to the floor, more to come…
5:57am: WIP hits the air - we are live at wingbowl 15, we learn that one of the competitors who apparently is an addict (damaging doug) has not checked in.
Angelo tells us the entrances this year will “out shine the mummers”
6:05am: We learn that one contestant is being thrown out for sneaking beer into the
greenroom area - how philly !
6:13am: at commercial break cover band begins to play blur (song #2) - suddenly two
women begin to flash - somehow makes it’s on the jumbotron - crowd goes wild! .
Security steps in and kicks out the two girls - crowd freaks out and boos while
chanting asshole. I never saw boobies on a jumbotron - so awesome
6:31am: - Contestants introduced, including the BLIND BEAST a blind eater who was
led by a topless woman with a eagles logo spray painted on her boobies. As of
now we have counted 8 women’s chests gracing the jumbotron.
6:40am: - We have made friends w/ contestant - THE BEST OF THE NORTH EAST. Photos
to come. We have also met with a Philebrity - Dan Gross who has been here since
4:00am !
6:58am: - On the floor we can actually see the wingettes - so busted. Dude -
seriously - like hideious - totally disgusting . Also please excuse any
typing/spelling errors I am typing from a laptop (drunk) while standing up at a
wing eating competition as people look at me like I am doogie howser.
Nothing terribly new or exciting to report on - cover band has done some weezer,
steppenwolf and lit.
7:10am: - it goes dark for the video tribute to the former commissioner and
baseball empire Eric Gregg (who was born and raised in Philly) . Crowd does not
seem to care - but El Wingador (the first person inducted in the hall of fame)
is giving a brief speech to give props to eric. Lights on - back to the intros
I think our camera just died =(
7:45am: - Ms Wingbow is introuduced - she is dancing in a cage. She only
stops when the national anthem is being sung,
as soon as its over - she starts up again. Pat Croce is introduced - place goes
wild - he is the new comissioner. My little brother
used to be friends with his son. Fun fact !
8:00am: - Black Widow appears on jumbotron - super loud boos. It’s apparent she is
the Dallas Cowboys of wing eating. Then they jump
to “The locust” a 62 year old guy who only weighs 145 lbs. He is the crowd fav
by far. Also there is an eater “Black Death” who
is sponsored by Bad Luck 13. The camera operators have moved on from showing
people eating wings to boobies. Tons of boobies
on the jumbotron. Crowd freaks out each time.
8:10am - 2 min warning given - the beast of the north east (the guy who we met) is
in the lead! At the buzzer one contestant
almost throws up. Sooooo close - everyone was hoping - but no …no pukey for us
8:20am - Former Eagles defensive lineman Hugh Douglas sings the halftime song
“brickhouse” - no one cares - instead
lots of butts on the jumbotron. Cleary an executive decision was made - no more
boobies - now its strictly asses. Oh wait !
now 3 girls are making out on the screen. This is the best/worst event ever. I
would guess the # of females actually attending
this event at 17
The halftime results are in ….
#10 - Dr Winglove w/ 73 wings
9 - Joey Chestnut w/ 75 wings (he won last year! he barely made it!) (natl
competitor)
8 - Curley Von Hurley w/ 77
7 - Bulldog w/ 78 wings
6 - Damaging Doug (the junkie!) w/ 81 wings
5 - Patrick Someone ? w/ 83 wings (natl competitor)
4 - The Black Widow w/ 84 wings (natl competitor)
3 - US Male w/ 89 wings
2 - The Beast From The Northeast w/ 91 wings (our guy!)
1 - Gentleman Jerry w/ 112 wings is in the lead. A Philadelphia could win this !
8:40am: The finals begin - and is about 80% breasts / 20% wing eating on the
jumbotron thing. Starting to empty out
nearing the 4 hour mark the people have grown tired.
8:50am: Top 5 have been announced before the final round :
5) US Male w/ 130 wings (philly)
4) Blackwidow w/ 156 wings (nat’l)
3) Barletti? w/ 157 wings (nat’l)
2) gentleman jerry w/ 158 wings (philly)
1) joey chestnut w/ 166 wings (nat’l)
2:00 min final around awaits us. Who cares at this point. Woah ! one guys almost
pukes - they keep replaying someone throwing
up from a few years ago. He must have puked gallons. Gross
9:10am: Final rounds begins - it’s clear that a Philadelphian will not win this
year. The crowd appears to be sad.
I was soo excited at 5:00am - all energy has escaped me.
This has been going on for way to long. It was like Mardi Gras
but indoors. I had no idea to expect this much coverage/excitement about breasts
from the camera men. It was kind of a bummer. Funny at first - then just weird.
It’s all over. They are going to announce the results….
Joey Chestnut wins. In fact the top 3 are all national eaters. No
philadelphians.
We will never win anything ever again ….
WAIT ! El Wingador just announced his is coming back - he is coming out of
retirement - Philadelphia may have a chance next year!
But wait! I dont care - there is no way I would ever goto this again. 4hrs and
20 mins long for about 15 actual exciting minutes and 74236738463432 covered
breasts. Well as soon as I type this - the first fight broke out. The crowd
cheered the winner and boo’ed the loser
I Love our city
February 2nd, 2007 at 11:19 am
I like how the entry just stops. I think we have a reporter down. I repeat! There is a reporter down!
February 2nd, 2007 at 12:20 pm
I like how the entry just stops. I think we have a reporter down. I repeat! There is a reporter down!
TOO FUNNY! I was thinking the same thing when I got to the end and it made no sense and just faded off….
February 2nd, 2007 at 12:26 pm
Somebody probably puked on his blackberry.
February 2nd, 2007 at 1:01 pm
What happened to the promised pics?
February 2nd, 2007 at 1:17 pm
What happened to the promised pics?
promised pics - better known as Exhibit A
February 2nd, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Do you think that before Hooters wings were so closely associated with T&A? Not to say that boobies on a jumbotron wouldn’t get a rise out of a crowd of mostly dudes, but I’d be interested in a formal study. Or casual poll. Whichever the case may be.