Philebrity Asks: Should We Ban Cheesesteak The Impaler?
It was with much trepidation a couple of months ago that we finally launched comments on all Philebrity posts, and so far, so good. But there’s one guy on there ‚Äî Cheesesteak The Impaler ‚Äî who, frankly, well, we just fucking hate him in his face. Cheesesteak is a commenter of the anonymous-yet-ubiquitous variety, not unlike the fellow we’ve used here as his surrogate photo. It’s not that he busts our chops ‚Äî plenty of commenters do, and we encourage such behavior always as it’s a great way of keeping this whole thing honest ‚Äî but it’s more the snivelling way in which he instantly befouls any discusssion he enters. If the comments section is a small room, CTI’s the guy with Irritable Bowel Syndrome who can kill any discussion dead with a single fart. And since he’s already pretty much king of the heap over at this board, do we really need him? This is the question we put to you today:
We anxiously await your response.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:26 pm
the fact is, like rodents and insects, you can never really kill someone (something?) like CTI … they take on new life forms faster than you can say ISP tracker…
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:40 pm
like this lamprey?
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:46 pm
Delware River.
Concrete Boots.
Yes, this is where I say “just sayin’.”
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:52 pm
Yes, I’m am the internet equivalent of an 80s cartoon / comic book / action figure international terrorist organization’s equivalent of a Navy SEAL (did anyone pick up on the EEL / SEAL thing until like five minutes ago?). I’ll take that as a sendoff; but really I’d rather be Zartan or Firefly. Besides, the Cheesesteaks can’t swim, I’m not even sure if they float.
There wouldn’t be much of a point to post on here if I couldn’t as CTI, though I think it’s funny that I’ve actually provoked conniptions in Joey that go beyond conventional ‘net hatred of haters. We’re like in chief inspector Dreyfus at Clouseau rage here. Take off the iron glove, it gets on people’s nerves.
January 23rd, 2007 at 2:55 pm
can we get a few examples of his work ?
I save my uninformed voting for local elections
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:08 pm
Wow, you can actually google “cheesesteak the impaler” and get a pretty broad record of “me”. I did not know I was so … archived.
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:27 pm
why do you even care?
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:33 pm
woh – oh boy – woh!
(imagine: large saggy fisherman with beard standing at a computer desk with fishing line stuck in computer screen – maybe some ass crack showing)
aww – i caught me a good one – wow!
man – this is going on the wall.
c’mere boys – i got me a great post!!!
from cti after being asked “do i know you, cheesesteak the impaler?”:
“Do youza know cheesesteak? Quit trying to know your food! Gotta get the cheesesteak while it‚Äôs hot, trying to get to know it just gets it all congealed and that‚Äôs not nice.
Be wary ye who look upon the cheesesteak less ye find the cheesesteak looking upon ye.”
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:34 pm
LET’S TORCH THIS SUMBITCH!!!!!!!!!!!
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:56 pm
I know you, Cheeseteak the Impaler. You’re the cat who sat behind me in Alegbra and whispered really off-the-mark, unfunny jokes all year long, forcing me to laugh out of sheer pity. I can still feel your warm breath against the back of my neck. EEEEEEEEEEH! Oh, and by the way: Those rubber triangular grip-things you used to slide over your pencils, reeeeeeeeeeally unnecessary.
Unfortunately, times haven’t changed much. And while we’d still like to force your head down a toilet and flush, your sophomoric comments do not constitute grounds for expulsion. I know. It sucks. But we have to live with it (and by it I mean you), so I suggest the lot of us kick in a buck or two and buy you a copy of The Elements of Style. Your grammar is atrocious. Bye now.
January 23rd, 2007 at 4:57 pm
actually, his comments are much more palatable when subvocalized in the comic book guy voice…
January 24th, 2007 at 11:05 am
Pen Name, I know you too! You laughed at my jokes back in algebra because I was the dungeon master for our D&D group since fifth grade. Yeah, you told the new friends you started hanging out with post growth spurt and driver’s license that you outgrew it; but you still showed up to our biweekly meeting in the comic shop’s back room to level up and make sure no one f’d with your character sheet.
You were also in that crowd of kids who just didn’t get to the cool kids table because you just weren’t rich, athletic, or good looking enough; but now you have the 700 Club and monologues tossed out of the original Grosse Point Blank script. Funny how a kid who never really moved on and left the high school cafeteria skipped the reunion.
And those rubber-triangle things were prescribed to me by the learning aid! My sheet may have listed “1st chair trumpet” as a bonus trait, but my Dexterity was like a 4.
I want my Fiend Folio back.