Now don’t know about the rest of y’all, but your old pal Fort Saint Davids always takes the holidays kinda hard. There’s a few consolations: Wawa Eggnog, the Jon Solomon 24-Hour Holiday Radio Show, the Cherry Hill Mall Food Court, and Christmas Eve at the 700 Club. See, FSD has been doing the XmE700 thing for about half a decade now, so it was without blinking that he headed out into the dreary near-midnight evening figuring he’d get himself something to drink. First stop: the Empire Lounge, which was totally closed by midnight. Make the walk down to 700, and the fucker is CLOSED. Same for the Tap. Ditto for the MinFo.

A few points to remember about FSD:

1. He is alone.
2. He hates holidays but remains insanely sentimental about them.
3. He is on foot.
4. He is wearing a Santa hat.

It’s nearly one by the time he’s made it all the way to the FIRE, which turns out to be the only place for miles that is open. Hunkered down at the end of the bar with the dreariest night-crew the drinking public has ever seen, FSD sips his Yards in disgust as a filthy couple next to him makes out to “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.”

Maybe George the Bartnender picked up FSD’s Psychic Distress Signal, but after a few more stomach-turning Xmas tunes he launches into what might go down as the Heaviest Xmas Eve Totally Crushing Despair Playlist Of All Time.

Tracklist:

1. “Idiot Wind” - Dylan
2. “I Walk The Line” - Cash
3. “Makes No Difference” - The Band
4. “Kind Woman” - Buffalo Springfield

It’s the last one that sealed the deal, perhaps the prettiest, lowest, saddest, and most perfect song you could ever hear, sitting at the end of a dingy bar sipping a beer on Christmas eve while wearing a Santa Hat and cursing yourself for walking past your ex-girlfriend’s house for the first time in months. This one is for you, readers. Pour yourself a cold one, put the Santa cap back on, light a smoke and sit back with us as we relive this truly heavy, heavy moment.

Merry fucking Christmas, here’s the MP3:

Kind Woman

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 26th, 2006 at 3:55 pm.