Local Band Rifle Nice Breaks Up, Sends “Worst Band In Philly” Stats Into A Tizzy
It’s official, or something like that: Philebrity is hearing today that Rifle Nice, the Philly band that mixed angular party-band funk with tuneless musings on menstruation, has allegedly split up. If in fact, this is true, it presents a theoretical conundrum; as some of you may recall, we landed in hot water a year or so ago when we designated Rifle Nice as being perhaps the city’s worst band. If in fact, this is/was true, then Philly’s list of “worst bands” ‚Äî we’re absolutely sure God is keeping one, erasing and scratching off and putting in new names as Judgement Day approaches ‚Äî has just gotten juggled all around. But because we care, we scrambled around and solicited from friends and neighbors as best we could the new pecking order…
…after the jump.
UPDATED: THE TEN WORST BANDS IN PHILADELPHIA
1. Pony Pants
2. Grammar Debate
3. Dragon City
4. The Hold Steady*
5. Cordalene (tent., pending official breakup announcement)
6. The Failed Alliance
7. Whatever band Keith from the Perils of Pauline is in now/Persona (tie)
8. (reserved for new Ben Arnold project)
9. http://myspace.com/dangerdangerhouse
10.TBASource: Philebrity Office water cooler/informal instant messenger poll, Dec. 4, 2006.
* While we are aware that the Hold Steady are not in fact from Philadelphia, the group poses a viable threat to any market they tour in; their inclusion in this list is purely a safety measure.
Disclaimer: This list was gathered in a highly unscientific manner. As some readers may be curious, it should also be noted that “Grape Street bands” were not included because seriously, do those kids even get a seat at the table? As if. Nevertheless, this list should not be taken as gospel or be referenced with any reliability whatsoever, not least because, let’s face it, this shit tends to change on a weekly basis. To those nominated, a word of advice: This is one of those things you’re going to have to have a sense of humor about. And remember: THE BEATLES were once on this list!
So there you have it. Please feel free to debate it all in the comments. And as for Rifle Nice, parting is such sweet sorrow. We fear that tomorrow’s number one might only be worse than yesterday’s. Sigh.
December 4th, 2006 at 6:02 pm
Why do we hate The Hold Steady so much?
December 4th, 2006 at 6:40 pm
I actually dig The Hold Steady. But I imagine it’s because Craig Finnsteen is really just nasally whining all the time and, therefore, not actually singing, or maybe it’s the way a lot of the tunes border dangerously close to cheesy 80’s guitar-riff classics like “Smuggler’s Blues” and “The Boys Are Back in Town.” Or it could be that a Hold Steady tune ain’t complete until they squeeze some reference to Holly the Hoodrat in there. Or it could be that every track they’ve ever recorded is about drinking, drugs or the tragedies that ensue from both. Either way the list made me laugh out loud, twice. Best post in quite some time.
December 4th, 2006 at 7:14 pm
I’d prefer a ranking of the Ten Most Overrated Bands in Philadelphia.
December 4th, 2006 at 7:19 pm
Can you guys do the city a favor and just stop talking about music? It’s fucking embarrassing, really.
If not, please do the “worst bands evar” a kind favor and exalt from your water cooler on high a more elaborate spew of haterade, so that they might understand why it is that they suck so bad and perhaps be able to become top-notch outfits that are more likeable by your staff. c’mon now – all i’m asking for is a few well thought out and informed paragraphs – a proper review rather than a collection of snide quips. don’t straddle the fence if you want to be proper music snobs. get as excited and fevered about that shit as you for hot chip playing at making time.
Laiiiiiid back,
Mike
December 4th, 2006 at 8:06 pm
Why isn’t Pawn Shop Roses on that list, mate? C’mon.
December 4th, 2006 at 10:50 pm
Can we get Ghengis Tron into that tenth spot? They’re second only to planes mistaken for stars in terms of worst live sets I’ve ever seen, and I’ve been to a 3 Doors Down show.
December 4th, 2006 at 11:17 pm
It’s about Time we’ve been given some recognition in this city!
December 5th, 2006 at 2:29 am
is this post for real? i mean, lets think about whose behind writing this. joey sweeney spent the majority of his recording career wanting to be wilco part two. and he currently moonlights in a band called “the drugbyrds”. how low can you go?
now im not craszy about these bands but theyre lightyears better than any project hes graced. goes double for all the shit crammed down our throats by the philebrity player. also whats with the jilted lover tone of this post? did these bands steal your girlfriend and mess your hair?
December 5th, 2006 at 9:18 am
There are literally hundreds of bands in Philly that can be labeled the worst. It’s as if they’re all competing for the spot. Let’s not forget all of those Grape-tastic bands like Head, Fat City Reprise and Not Alone. Long live Evil God Revivial!
December 5th, 2006 at 10:46 am
Bring on the side projects: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_eshgtxfJA
December 5th, 2006 at 11:12 am
1.5 Drugbyrds
3.5 The Capital Years
10 The A-Sides
Oh yeah I was thinking about going to see http://myspace.com/dangerdangerhouse tomorrow. I think that http://myspace.com/dangerdangerhouse is playing at the Fire or something but I guess since they are the eighth worst band in Philadelphia I probably won’t go see http://myspace.com/dangerdangerhouse. But I did hear they were tight.
December 5th, 2006 at 11:14 am
How did I forget?
11 Mitch Fiction
December 5th, 2006 at 12:15 pm
Apparently, I haven’t seen enough Philadelphia bands to make an educated decision on this matter…
It is quite funny that Grammar Debate is on there, though. (And funnier still is the fact that their myspace page proudly states that they’re the 2nd worst band in Philadelphia.) I saw them the other night at Johnny Brenda’s and a friend told me that he’d had enough and that they were horrible. I sort of feel like if that was the 2nd worst band in Philadelphia then this city isn’t so bad off. Like, don’t you guys have any shitty punk or hardcore bands? Or maybe some weird-ass novelty band that’s just really annoying? Hell, my roommate is in a ska band. I’ll bet he’s got connections to some local bands worse than these…
And why knock the Danger Danger house?
December 5th, 2006 at 6:59 pm
I remember reading something on Philebrity a little while back, a piece from 19th century Philadelphia that rang true today. It said artists were always too jealous and fame-driven to support each other. They’d even try to sabotage each other’s projects- all to the detriment of our fair city. I read it like, “right on,” Philebrity understands that this city right now is currently the greatest artistic city in the U.S. and for others who are slow on the uptake to understand, we need to champion each other’s projects, lest we sabotage this whole amazing renaissance. But no, you don’t get it. You’re shitting where you eat. It’s so lame and juvenile.
December 6th, 2006 at 12:37 am
I think Persona (one of the aforementioned worst bands) is actually really good, especially their new album “Loose Cannon”. I feel they convey a lot of artistic expression and do something that comes naturally. I think that is somewhat uncommon in this age of design where we analyze and replicate popular ideas. Moreover, I like Persona, and think they are rad and angular.
I really agree with what Maus had to say too. There are a lot of amazing artists in Philadelphia right now and if people were more open to collaberating and helping each other we could really benefit from it on a larger scale with excellent parties. Like Snoop Dogg and Pharrel, it could be “beautiful”. They collaberate and I know they go to excellent parties, I’ve seen their videos.
The pessimism and negativity in the local media lately seems so counterproductive, lame and juvenile. I applaude all that don’t convey these negative ideals.
Party on.
December 6th, 2006 at 1:47 pm
Maus makes a wonderful point and I agree wholeheartedly. But that cannon eliminate the existence of taste. Philadelphia seems full of artists, especially musicians, who laud each other on surface only to hate on eachother undercover. Seems like people are hesitant to openly not like a band that might have a friend’s friend in it or a keyboard plyer who drinks at the local coolbar. It is ok to not like something, right? Oh well. Many good and very diverse bands in this city, very very few known anywhere else.
This will be unpopular, but I saw both Dr. Dog and Make A Rising play recently at that Planetarium and they each would make my top 10 worst list. Most of the bands in this town make no real impression on me, only the ones that blow me away or the ones that are much ballyhooed and then awful when I see/hear them.
December 7th, 2006 at 3:14 pm
To my knowledge the editor (and assumed author of this list) has never seen Pony Pants play a show, and he has never been to the DangerDanger house (#9).
December 7th, 2006 at 6:19 pm
sideshow prophets
the capitol years
Cordalene
a bunch of others
December 7th, 2006 at 7:08 pm
Nice……………
take a sip of your PBR, think about hip(ster) lists of bad bands
and list Venues as bad bands
well researched
so lets through the Grape eating, give me a record deal because I got the right look, light hearted pop about how we can’t get over our last BF/GF, to the fires of the Dragon.
December 8th, 2006 at 2:34 pm
I heard the singer in Pony Pants has a huge dick. . .
Philly’s Iggy Pop? Yes.
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:02 am
Why isn’t Aunt Dracula on this list?