It didn’t matter what grisly game you got sucked into this weekend: They were all equally horrific in that you would have crawled under your seat if you weren’t fucking numbed by depression. The sitting ducks who saw the Flyers get rammed by a bunch of Penguin pre-schoolers ended up cheering for the opposite team. We think the shock dissipated after a Flyer tried to pass the puck to a ref, which made Saturday’s 8-2 annihilation a divine prophecy. Next up were the Eagles on the Jags, a 13-6 mess that is no doubt responsible for the looks on every nasty Monday-face this morning. Options: Andy Reid witch hunt. Suicide. Relocation. But the parking lot, the asphalt painted with beer and shame, was not clear for long. Trusty Phantoms fans soldiered on, believing that all could not be lost. Children paraded in their Halloween best, a couple tied the knot on the ice, innocence was shattered. The Hershey Bears took it away from us, 4-1, and yet our Phantoms still played a cut above the Flyers. We know you think your broken pieces can’t get any smaller, but we must tell you: The Temple Owls just had their first win.
Editor’s note: Kelly White is Philebrity’s intern and, as it happens, second cousin, which we didn’t know until we gave her a ride home one time and recognized the house she was going into. As she states in her MySpace profile, “I have Arctic Splash in my blood and blood in my Arctic Splash.” Blood in, blood out, Kells.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 30th, 2006 at 12:04 pm.