Friday’s Child: Sufjan Stevens, And The Removal Of The Teeth And Brains
One man can only take so much. And the Posi Guy, God love him, has taken a lot: Trying to put a silver lining on our sports teams, our insane talk radio and the like for the last year and so on, well, folks, you know the deal: It can take a toll. Even on the most Posi-est of guys. Sooner or later, he was going to break. And so, when he saw this photo this week on Stereogum of Soupjam donning angel wings in the world’s gayest school play ever, he kinda cracked and said what you’ve been thinking in private for at least the last six months: Sufjan Stevens must be stopped. His subtle Christian rock is rendering all of us toothless, brainless and worse still, looking a little too fucking Casual Friday for comfort. And so, to Sufjan and those who sail with him, we shall now say what we say to each and every Friday’s child: “We know, we know: You’re an asshole. Enough.”
After the jump, the Posi Guy explains how, even though he was the guy who “discovered” the Arcade Fire, knowing when it’s time to go just might be the most rock ‘n’ roll thing of all.
The Removal Of The Teeth And Brains
By The Posi Guy
Special to Philebrity
A few weeks back, the New York Times gave a favorable review to the new record by the Decemberists, an album called The Crane Wife. The reviewer, whose name I am not willing to open a new window to look up, said that a particular song wouldn’t sound out of place in a production of Sweeney Todd. This was a compliment. It seemed right in line with the recent phenomenon, set upon the world by the blogocracy (all mine), of praising anything that doesn’t offend, or hurt any feelings, and comes across with all the tenacity of a chess club reunion. This is a phenomenon I like to refer to as The Removal of the Teeth and Brains.
Further Evidence: I saw the band Architecture In Helsinki a few weeks ago, and I was completely amazed at how the packed Trocadero was going mental for the 1.5 minute-long, half-formed, poorly played, kindergarten jams these Australians were shitting out. The biggest cheers going up were for the songs sung by the homely girl, playing one-finger keyboard parts, out of time. Or maybe it was the gawky halfwit next to her, strumming an out of tune Ovation-lite guitar so tinny and crystalline it would have made Bon Jovi blush; he couldn’t quite keep up, either. I guess I’ll never know. It seemed like their writing process involves one of the group tabbing out the bass line to a solitary riff from a Talking Heads song, repeating it over and over, while the rest of their treehouse figured out how to make a drum machine sound like the black guy from Police Academy. These guys make The Beta Band sound like they actually thought about what they were doing for a second.
All this being said, my beef lies predominantly with one dude, the guy at the top of the wuss-rock heap. His name rhymes with Bufjan. Hey, you in the angel wings (please tell me you all saw this): Please stop! It isn’t clever to get 40 of your friends to play on a song, and it certainly isn’t necessary (see: Polyphonic Spree). Of course it sounds sweeping and grandiose, there are 40 of you playing! The songs at the heart of these “mini-epics” (a term I hope dies with the release of the most recent My Chemical Romance record) are boring, full of half-formed philosophies about life, love, and of course, religion. I’ll let the good folks at Stereogum tell you all about the intricacies of his lyric writing, and song craft, but this stuff is going to be a joke in 3 years, along with any other band interested in turning rock and roll into a school play. If you are a songwriter, and you are reading this, please don’t write 50 songs about any state; just write 50 good songs. See, then we’ll all know you aren’t just selling a gimmick, not just creating some shorthand way for a freshman at Temple to impress his girlfriend from back home. “Oh, you’ve been listening to John Mayer? Well, I’m into this guy who wrote 50 songs about Illinois.”
I don’t want all of my music to be heavy or menacing. I think getting lost in a world created by a songwriter is a great thing, but what separates a Dylan or a Cohen from say, Amos Lee is that underneath the pretty acoustic guitars is some idea, some fucked-up thought that probably never occurred to us before. With guys like Sufjan Stevens, the words might appear strange and different, but what, really, are we learning? Are we getting a civics lesson? Are we hearing the Gospel? I like to learn through music, about the world and myself, but I’ll stick to the guys with a few hard years under their belt, or a young buck with a little bit of a chip on his shoulder about the way the world works.
I want to listen to music for adults, or at least people who want to be treated like them. I want all of these bands to take off the costumes, stop encouraging everyone to act like children, and look the fuck around. This is 2006, and you better grow up in a hurry.
The Posi Guy is an occasional contributor to Philebrity. While the rest of you are beefing about this in the comments, he will be sitting in his office with the space heater churning, thinking about how nice girls are, and what he’s gonna eat later.
Previously: Friday’s Child: Let Us Now Praise Albino Indian Porn Peddlers
October 27th, 2006 at 9:33 pm
You man among men, you! Where have you been? I encourage – no, implore! – you to check out Rock Town Hall (http://launch.groups.yahoo.com/group/rocktownhall/), a place where these issues and others are hashed out with the kind of clear-sighted, tough love you display.
October 28th, 2006 at 4:43 pm
A pointless rant in between washing shirts:
I don’t listen to any of the bands listed here, including whatever Sufjan Whatshisface is doing, but I’m not sure that I entirely go along with the point of view in this post, either. It seems very romantic and vaguely Christian, and preoccupied with questions like “Where’s the meaning? Where’s the guts? Where’s the suffering? Where’s the redemption?” This “gotta go through sin to gain salvation” sensibility seems a very traditional, conservative way of looking at music and art in general.
Those making light, serene, amusing, playful and optimistic art are likely to be quite aware of the grim realities of everyday life. To wallow in synthetic pain and sorrow seems to be a luxury for those without pain or sorrow of their own. Why add to the ugliness and despair? If the bands named above are guitly of being hopelessly twee and childish, then those who harbor a love of “grit” “aggression” and “realness” are hopelessly adolescent. It’s just as self-indulgent, only more disengenuous.
The happiest music seems to have emerged from places and times when people were suffering most: look at the cheerful reels from plague-ridden Medieval Europe, the gandy dancing songs and jug bands of the American South, or the sprightly works of 18th century composers when courts all over the continent were in upheaval. Nearly every kind of traditional folk music in the world is rife with jigs or dances of some kind. Wanna know why? Thangs was hard then, cousin. No wallowing on a comfy couch with a full belly and tastefully weathered thriftwear, that’s for sure.
Dylan was and is a showman/charlatan who uses masks aplenty; any artist worth their salt does this–ask Bowie. Much of the perceived “meaning” or authenticity” is projection on the part of the listener, who is subject to the manipulations of the artist who suggest “sadness” or “depth” by messing with formal elements like tempo and instrumentation. Is Springsteen somehow more worthy because he employs certain masks which suggest a grizzled street poet espousing hard-won wisdom? Has he really gone through more suffering in his life than, say, Boy George?
We should defy this darkness around us–to reflect it is merely to use its vocabulary, to buy into its bleak worldview, and to ultimately acquiesce to its demands. More costumes! More showmanship! More LIGHT! We should be open about our fakery–it’s the only kind of authenticity there is.
~W
October 28th, 2006 at 9:35 pm
I think the point is more that Sufjan Stevens writes a lot of mediocre songs with an occasional standout, but is worshipped as the second coming of Christ Himself because he uses all kinds of ridiculous gimmicks like mini-orchestras, costumes, and albums about states.
October 29th, 2006 at 3:49 pm
sweeney et al-
disclosure: i am a fan of sufjan. he’s been in my top20 rotation for the past year. i haven’t been to church in 15 years.
i was at the concert that you’re denigrating, and although the costumes were a bit weird for my taste – my music stood on its own. the 14 piece orchestra that accompanied him wasn’t fluff – it was there to approximate how his ALBUMS sound. the experience was POWERFUL…like a rock and roll chamber orchestra.
as far as the christianity bent goes – so what? does it offend you that the man has God in his life? to his credit, his music’s references to faith are ambiguous and NON-JUDGMENTAL – unlike you…who judges EVERYTHING and EVERYONE.
don’t hate the guy because he sells out The Tower and you can’t fill The Fire. your envy is sad.
one day you will don khakies for a corporate casual dress friday. you will become what you abhor (aka – mainstream).
now make fun of my post.
October 30th, 2006 at 1:54 am
I hate to comment twice on the same post but I can’t resist. I am a proud Christian, so I am immune to that criticism. Here’s the thing — Sufjan is okay, but he just isn’t all he’s cracked up to be. Look at what the press writes about: the mini-orchestra, which is totally unnecessary, and is largely absent on many of the songs widely considered to be his best (“John Wayne Gacy Jr” and “That Dress Looks Nice on You” for example); the costumes, which are garish at best; and the concept albums, which aren’t nearly as consistent as the theme-free Seven Swans.
October 30th, 2006 at 4:51 am
Here’s something that both surprises and astounds me. I know Posi-Guy. I know who he is. His identity is not unknown to me. I have met him.
Here’s something else: I absolutely, positively cannot stand his taste in music. Whenever he has put on music for me, it has invariably been some band I have never heard of and quickly learn to hate. Seriously. I can’t stand it. I know that he’s going to read this comment, and I totally don’t care. It’s not like I’m saying anything he doesn’t already know.
But here’s another thing: I agree completely with what he’s saying. This kind of retarded third-grade-talent-show fuckstickism isn’t music. It used to be music. Talking Heads was an art band. DEVO was an art band. Their music was a trick to get you to look at something a little differently. From David Byrne’s twisted view of the american suburbs to DEVO’s corporate rock of devolution, there was an oddball subtext that worked.
Every single one of these new indie-rock cocksmacks is the inevitable product of grade-school art teachers that didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. No teeth, no brains, and a can-do attitude toward glitter glue and paper plates.
These folks are the ones that ate the paste and were congratulated when they managed to throw up in the toilet, and not on their smock — Their childhood regurgitations now served up, hot and steaming, to a willing and curiously supertolerant public that grew up with the same art teachers.
October 31st, 2006 at 2:24 pm
Funny that the Decemberists– one of the annoying bands that make impossible-to-disagree-with-jolly-sea-shanty music railed against in this post– also happen to have their upcoming show advertised on this site. Who are their special guests, you ask? Lavendar Diamond, a band I have never heard of but can tell just from their name that I would rather listen to someone beat a baby with a cat.
As for Sufjan Stevens… sure, he can be annoying with his contrived eccentricity, overworked falsetto and fey spirituality, but he does make some quality music. I feel as though there are so many other better targets to pin this on than him. Like Architecture in Helsinki and the Polyphonic Spree, for instance.