Friday’s Child: Let Us Now Defend Albino Indian Porn Peddlers
Today sees a new feature here at the Philebs, called “Friday’s Child.” We’re gonna leave it open as our own little refuge for defending the indefensible, celebrating the uncelebratable and generally taking some poor soul, hated by everybody, and saying, “Hey, yeah, sure he’s an asshole. WE KNOW. ENOUGH.” Today’s honoree? Muhammad Shaukat. Muhammad gave us all A LOT of chuckles this week when he got into hot water for allegedly threatening to rape anyone who tried to prevent him from selling Barely Legal within earshot of Independence Hall. (I mean, if our forefathers fought for nothing else, they fought for this.) Muhammad also gets big ups for coining the new Philebrity motto: “YOU WANT COMPLAIN MY NEWSSTAND? COME FRONT OF ME!” And yes, he did not handle his situation well. But take it easy on the kid, and here’s why:
¬? Muhammad is a lazy-eyed albino Indian who looks like Michael Rappaport. His life is already kind of a pain in the ass.
¬? Technically, he did not threaten to “rape” anyone; the sign he posted merely suggested that he would “fuck” whosoever’s mother, sister, wife, etc. Who’s to say that he wouldn’t do this by more traditional and consensual forms of romance? Perhaps what got DiCicco et al. into such a lather was the age-old white man’s fear of the swarthy immigrant stealing their women through old-world romance styles that the eunuchs of City Hall could never stir up on their own, much less understand?
¬? Furthermore, dude comes from a culture where women are not exactly treated as equals, and where “I fuck your mother” could just as easily be translated as “Pardon me, sir, can you direct me to the nearest Lenscrafters?” Don’t be racist, people of Philadelphia. Men, sadly, cannot choose their own socio-cultural origins.
For all these reasons and more, Muhammad Shaukat, you, sir, are Friday’s Child.
PhiladelphiaWillDo: Come Front Of Me!
Previously: Any Excuse To Rep Cheri Teens Will Do
