You have watched, and you have waited. And so it has come to pass that Philebrity Fit Club ‚Äî our grand experiment with, um, physical fitness ‚Äî has come to an end. And in every great battle, there is one winner and many losers. So let’s not be nice about it. The results are in, and guess what? Shit wasn’t even close. Gouda Girl lost a staggering 1.5 pounds. A-Rod? Six. Coffee Girl actually gained weight, before quitting altogether. But some folks actually did alright: The top 5 lost a combined 155.5 pounds, which is nothing to sneeze at.

After the jump, final results and the big reveal.

As you can see, it was The Rower who in the end came through with the highest percentage body mass loss. (Coach, God love him, actually technically lost more poundage, but God is racist against the overweight, and in the end, it’s not our problem.) For his trouble, The Rower ‚Äî who we can now reveal as curmudgeonly rock critic/TLA Video dude J.T. Ramsay (view his blog here) ‚Äî got 500 bucks, loads of gear courtesy Puma Running and a year’s worth of training from Philadelphia Runner. Dude was psyched. We caught up with him for a quick Q&A and here’s what he had to say:

Congrats on winning the Philebrity Fit Club. How do you feel now that Philadelphia Runner has whipped your flabby ass back into shape?

Much better thanks! Fitter, happier…you know the drill.

You mentioned before you were losing weight to fit into those wedding pants, any regrets that you can’t go chasing after pretty young girls with your new svelte body?

Not really. My partner was with me when I was thin (a lightweight rower walks around at approx. 155 lbs. all the time), and then she stuck with me when I ballooned, so I think I’ve got a good thing goin’.
That said, the nurses flirted with me when I went for some x-rays recently!
Oh and I have to get that suit majorly altered. It’s like Vito [from Sopranos] before and after pictures.

That whole tiny man in a huge suit image is cracking me up. Maybe you should leave it that way to prove how much weight you lost…Anyway, that’s nice that you found the one, and she loves you even with your old fat handles. Will you keep running after you tie the knot?

Yeah, I’m a little like David Byrne circa Stop Making Sense! Oh we got married in Vegas last summer – the party was just an excuse to get dressed up, drink and dance! But yeah, Helen married the fat, happy me and wound up with the edgy, competitive me. In any case, I hope to keep running – provided my left knee isn’t worn out. If everything’s cool, I’m kicking around the idea of running the Philadelphia Marathon.

So there you have it, folks. See? Good things happen to good people sometimes. All joking aside, we’d like to thank all the brave souls who weathered the challenge: Your candor and willingness to lay it on the line was courageous, and we hope even the low 5 got something out of all this. If not, hey, there’s always next year.

This entry was posted on Monday, July 10th, 2006 at 4:35 pm.