>>> Jesus, man, if you think Godspeed You Black Emporer is scary and Canadian, you haven’t even begun to feel the deep instro mindrape that is A Silver Mt. Zion. Even the NAME is scrary. Yeah, that’s right, scrary. With Black Ox Orkestar at the First Unitarian Church.
>>> Sleater-Kinney plays most-likely last-ever Philly show, to [...]

1. Sweatheart’s Rose Luardo has an intern. Ahem.
2. Features the following passage:
“There is something exotic about teenagers,” said Julie Gerstein, a 27-year-old D.J. and college writing instructor in Philadelphia. A friend of Ms. Luardo’s, she is using Will’s intern services to help craft a syllabus for a freshman writing seminar.
Ms. Gerstein said she can’t “personally, [...]

>>> Developers coast to coast are freaking out as the condo market rightfully, finally turns into a shrivelled prune of an idea inside developers’ reptilian minds. The result? Yahoo’s most-emailed story of the moment! The burning example? Why, Olde City, of course! [Yahoo]
>>> Gyro gets hot under the collar about the “How Do I [...]

If you listen to news/talk radio station WNTP/990 AM ‚Äî what are we saying, of course you don’t ‚Äî you may have heard an interesting thing during the commercial breaks recently. Sprinkled into WNTP’s heady mix of live remotes from Geno’s and promo spots for the upcoming Kenny G slot at Bethlehem’s Musikfest, you’ll hear [...]

Rarely-seen clip from Bitter, Bitter Weeks. A bit dark as Nugs go, but trust us: It’s all just a warm-up for the new one.

PBJ: It Was Either This Or A Puff Piece On “Off Duty Colonial Re-enactors Gone Wild”
Previously: Smash The Duck State

>>> NoLibs gets Orwellian crime-cam on the corner of 7th & Girard, which streams live video to cops’ laptops. Thugs, not to worry ‚Äî those laptops are for porn useage only. [DN]
>>> Bob Brady for mayor? Meh. We’re not really feeling it. Something about the chin. Kenney, seriously: Anytime you’re ready, dawg. [KYW]
>>> Citzens of [...]

The Shires shall be a fellowship of the mind, a confederation of those who march forth with green banners in the name of all things light, humane, beautiful and free. The modest, oddball kindness of Affected Provincialism is the central creed of the Shires, and it’s pastoral, playful way of life is both the coin [...]

>>> Elizabeth Wellington graduates from Bikini Summer School, reveals two-piece history AND non-local kindertr?§ume, all in one weekend! Leave it to El-Well to discover the bikini clearance rack at Target, prompting her to wax nostalgic on her first two-piece venture at age 25. Meanwhile, five year olds in the ’70s up until now spent their [...]

That’s right, kids. All this week, Philebrity will be broadcasting from an undisclosed location in Northeast Philly! (Okay, okay, it’s right across the street from Byberry.) While we’re here, we’ll be eating Northeast Food, swimming in Northeast Water, breathing Northeast Air (oh, the smell of it!), getting Northeast Drunk, and perhaps most excitingly, interacting [...]

FRIDAY:
>>> Philebrity Player alums The Asteroid #4 play The Khyber for what we estimate as the 34th time since their inception in the mid-90s. Celebrate the tradition as they share the stage tonight with Human Television. This is not really the time or place to get into it, but we are really feeling this Human [...]

All summer long, The Franklin Institute has partnered with The Philadelphia Film Society for a pretty far-reaching Friday night animation series, the next two of which we think are gonna be pretty fun. Tonight, Adult Swim’s Tim & Eric are hosting “Licking Brains,” wherein they screen some of their works, including some never-seen-before Tom Goes [...]

Fishtown Libre
Open Carton of Arctic Splash,
Pour some out on the street.
Add Rum, Shake Vigorously.
When finished, discard Carton wherever convenient.

Fishtown Colada
Open Carton of Arctic Splash,
Pour some out on the street.
Add Malibu Coconut Rum , Shake Vigorously.
When finished, discard Carton wherever convenient.
Fishtown Sunrise
Open Carton of Arctic Splash,
Pour some out on the street.
Add Tequila and Grenadine, Shake Vigorously.
When [...]

But the news isn’t all bad. Sources report that Myspace Slut ‘05 Dana is unaffected by the bug.
Previously: Myspace Sluts Of 2005

Fiona Apple brings her 90-pound bag of hot and crazy to the Tweeter Center tonight.

“I am 100 percent convinced that this is not a bad-profile issue,” Cohen said, trying to explain why the city fared so poorly in the international polling. “This is a low- to no-profile issue.”
Sorta related: You would think that with such a lowly image, as a city, we would at least have an eating disorder [...]

Just a gentle reminder, folks: Cap’n Libremerde has some sweetness for y’all, but it’s a new steezo. We’ve got three pairs of tickets to Saturday’s Making Time at Transit featuring The Long Blondes from the UK ‚Äî and winners will also get their latest EP on wax. But to get the contest details, honey, you [...]

Sometimes God smiles at Philebrity. He’s all up in Heaven and shit, pounding cans of Natty Lite, and he’s like, “Yo, you guys have done a good job this week keeping suckers in line. Here’s a link the people are gonna go apeshit for: Are you ready? It’s called SeanSpotter!” And then we click it, [...]

>>> Incoming: Summer heat waves are caused by giant magnifying glasses “space bullies” have placed in the Sun’s path to planet Earth. Evil creatures are demanding cosmic lunch money in return, but really, it’s just a cry for attention. Philebrity conclusion: Space bullies would be greatly relieved by Ritalin. And a friggin’ smack upside the [...]

>>> Yo, get community-orientated, people! The Rocket Cat has a nice lil’ neighborhood show with Fan Of Friends (featuring mems. of Like Moving Insects, Mitch Fiction & The Shits, et. al) and a stripped-down version of The War On Drugs (pictured). 6:30pm for all you early-risers.
>>> Other than that? Nothing. It’s always weird when this [...]