When I feel poetic, I haiku. You haiku. You just don’t know it: Damn that Whole Foods, man/ I went expecting chai tea/ Uncaffeinated. [1.] That’s haiku. Another? [...] In the spirit of local rad-ness, here’s a few: My Pabst and your ass/ Two cans I’ll crush with my love/ Ray’s Happy Birthday. [2.] Or Capitol Years signed/ Park the Van inked the deal, right/ They’ll sell weed to live. [3.] Or, Blogging with Sweeney/ How old is Valania?/ Joe! DEATH INSURANCE! [4.] Or Making Time turns six/ Pianka? June 10, Transit/ Note to self: Buy meth. [5.] Enter now, snarf-y.

As always, to be read in the voice of The Count.

1. I may look like Andrew Eldridge, but don’t be fooled, sister. Whole Foods keeps me healthy as a horse! [PAID ENDORSEMENT.] And that Pom stuff? It’s made of blood, don’t-cha-know! Everytime I buy a bottle, I vant to… oh, silly me. I just can’t avoid the clich?©s like I used to.
2. See?
3. Not that I’m judging. I used to write profiles of C-grade major label acts in Tower Pulse! Sigh. Those were the days.
4. Let those little pricks at Philebrity have their way with me on this one. Ravage me, boyth! Oh, thpill it all over me!
5. Second “Look-I’m-cool” drug reference in as many sentences. Dear reader, I am a desperate vampire. They won’t even let me post on The Clog, for Chrissakes. Nothing feels good any more. Honey, please pass the Can box set.

Icepack: 50 Ways To Bleed Your Vampire
Philebrity’s Greatest Hits: More Annotated A.D.!

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 1st, 2006 at 2:23 pm.