Aside from Darren Ben-Salem, we never thought the on-camera news talent in this town — or any town, for that matter — was really worth their weight in hairspray and dental bleach, let alone those fat-assed contracts. When did reading words you didn’t write and smiling like you know what’s going on start to justify six figure salaries? Don’t answer, son. That’s a rhetorical question. (Here’s where we refer you to Murrow‘s farewell speech in Goodnight And Good Luck.) On a somewhat related note, NBC10 just launched their first virtual talking head — Irresistable Ella — and frankly we think she’s even better than the real thing. Cheaper, too. Surely it has not gone unnoticed by the bean counters that Ella never eats. Or asks for a raise. Yes, we like her. We really like her. Even that Donkey Kong mono-drone voice of hers seems to itch our scratch. At the risk of sounding sexy, we’d like to suggest a pay-per-view clothing optional version. How could that not make fat bank? And seriously, nude news is really just a matter of time. Even Les Moonves says so. How much longer you think people are gonna be hypnotized by that whirling ‘crime, fear and the complete-weather-after-these-messages’ pinwheel you’ve had in viewers faces for goin’ on way too fuckin’ long? All drugs wear off eventually. Sooner or later you’re gonna have to own up to reality and give the people what they really want: porno. The good news is you’re more than half the way there already.
NBC10: Whatever Happened To Max Headroom Anyway?
CNN: Ella, Meet Ana, Ananova
Related: We Find That Incoming Freshman Can Relate To Simulated Students Better Than Real Ones, It’s Sorta Like Training Wheels [Temple]

This entry was posted on Monday, May 8th, 2006 at 4:07 pm.