Then my friend, nothing will.

>>> Yes, yes, their cop fetish is creepy and not a little bit gay, but we’re still bummed to see Geno’s out of Citizen’s Bank Park. [TheIlladelph]
>>> The State of PA, apparently, is selling your confiscated knives, lighters, gardening tools, scissors and more on, where-o-where, Ebay. By the pound. [Ebay]
>>> And finally, etymologists everywhere will [...]

For you and your readin’ public… and to keep the record straight… the vote to approve Johnny Brenda’s upstairs music venue and sidewalk seating at the Fishtown Neighborhood Association went in favor of JB’s 160-8 (roughly). We even won a few converts in a couple of the old timers who were impressed with William [...]

From a press release volleyed over the transom last night, reportedly discussed at last night’s Northern Liberties Neighborhood Association meeting…
The Proposed “RubaArtsCenter”
†
TheRubaArtsCenter(to be located on the sight of the former RUBA Club) will from the start be steeped in the City’s rich cultural tradition, as well as the Neighborhood’s unique charm. The Center will provide [...]

Owie.
NBC10: Suddenly, Philly And Muskogee Have A Lot In Common [via Wookified]

9:oopm: Doors open at The M Room for FREE GUINNESS PARTY HOUR/EDITORS LISTENING PARTY. (RSVP to PHILLY.RSVP@GMAIL.COM for happy hour guest-list.)
9:04pm: First beers popped, DJ J. Gabriel Boylan spins Editors and related Britpop.
9:43pm: Mild buzz ascending. DJ lays into some deep shit as co-worker starts giving you the eye.
9:45pm: Giant light-bulbs fill the room as [...]

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but this one feels like something kinda important, you know? A local band that has a pretty much zero embarrassment-induction factor (unlike, say, Pepper’s Ghost, Brothers Past, etc.) headlining the TLA. With other great locals on the bill! It feels like, somehow, Our Thing is winning. So [...]

>>> Sad but true: Jersey Dan mugged at gunpoint in NoLibs! Apparently these young ruffians were not indimidated by the Jerz’s near-encyclopedic knowledge of Guster songs. [NoLibs.org]
>>> They’re all over NYC now, but don’t kid yourself, bucko: This town was tailor-made for Grups. [NYMag]
>>> In a fit of largesse, Dan DeLuca winds back the backlash [...]

>>> From the Dept. Of Pitchfork-WTF, a bit on the new Spank Rock record, which doesn’t even bother talking about the insane porntastic ill rhymes of one Amanda Blank. We have this record, we are dying to leak it to you, but there is one horrible problem: We have it in the dreaded m4a format. [...]

He’s alright now, but Philebrity was shocked to hear news late yesterday that Tim Heidecker of Philly expat comedy duo Tim And Eric was assaulted in a truly weird attack by a neighbor.
Finally, I dash out and up the stairs into their apartment, expecting to find him unconscious or out of it. [...]

For investment performance, think Miami’s Little Havana, where prices increased more than 150% over the last two years. Or the tough Northern Liberties section of Philadelphia, which went up 70%. Or Manhattan’s Lower East Side, where tenements that once sheltered struggling immigrants are now occupied by high-priced lawyers, and the median home price is more [...]

“The Messenger,” a 15-minute short set in Washington on Aug. 14, 1945, tells of 16-year-old messenger Thomas E. Jones, who was pulled over by police for making an illegal U-turn while carrying the cable of Japan’s World War II surrender to the White House. Jones’ detention delayed the news that changed history.
Pat Croce, billed as [...]

>>> You may not know this, but for the last 36 years, Reggie Ryder and Lush Puppy ó known to their kin as Regina and Tracy ó have been holding Monday night shows at Silk City. Some of these shows have been landmark events ó remember the time Mazarin had Audible as its rhythm section? [...]

Since we announced the big PART CHIMP show THIS TUESDAY, people have been collaring us left and right, essentially saying, Holy fuck, man. That Part Chimp band really gets my pistons in a tizzy! I mean, did you LISTEN to those mp3s? To which we invariably respond, “Hell, yes. This thing is gonna be the [...]

? Honey, if you can’t pick up a dude at The Fire, we may need you to hand in your womanly credentials altogether.
? Nobody cares about your boner for big words, boner.
? “I was the girl wearing a short sleeved yellow sweater and black glasses” at the Mates Of State show. Thanks, babe. That really [...]

Remember that New Year’s Resolution? Yeah you do. Sit down. Philebrity can help. Together with Puma and Philadelphia Runner, we present PHILEBRITY FIT CLUB. The idea: He/she who loses the highest percentage body mass, wins. What do you win, other than a totally rad new buffness? Let us tell you:
? One year’s worth of Puma [...]

>>> Queens: Could it be the next sixth borough? [Inky]
>>> The NORG Un-Conference: We went dressed as sleestacks, and gave Will Bunch an atomic wedgie after the free grilled cheese and Hawaiian Punch. Okay, that’s a lie. Actually, we weren’t invited. [PhillyFuture]
>>> And now that Queens holds 6B mantle, it lets Philly get back to [...]

Spread the word…
On Sunday, April 2nd at 1:00 PM
Come to Love Park
And
Tell the Plumbers’ Union
they can’t flush progress!
Come out and show the unions and local politicians that you support the use of waterless urinals to make the Comcast tower the TALLEST GREEN BUILDING IN AMERICA!
Bring your inflatable rats, bring your toilet tricycles, bring your silly [...]

…and probably not very relevant, but I am a huge college hoops fan. Duke and Gonzaga losing the other night made Baby Jesus happy.
†What made him happier was seeing your poor man’s Larry Bird (dream on, mustache-boy, you have a better chance at being Keith Van Horn) crying on the floor. This is not an [...]

Texas, Georgia and Alabama all have anti-vibrator laws, Maines says, that either make it illegal to sell them or to own more than five. Luckily, she said, state lawmakers only worry about the ones that look distinctly phallic, not, say, the Hitachi Magic Wand, which reportedly resembles an advanced kitchen gadget. Somehow, women demanding their [...]