>>> NJ Weedman! We hardly knew ye! [KYW]
>>> Plain Parade continues the wildest sharkjump of the new year. How? By taking a shot at the Lilys to promote an A-Sides show. There’s room at the table for everyone, ladies. [HerJazz]
>>> Look at them yo-yo’s, that’s the way you do it, money for nothing and seven [...]

OK, so our bud Will Bunch has this new article outing the Santonator as a big fat phony as far as the whole Republican financial reform thing goes. The phony part, as you can imagine, is no news. But what is news is the “fat” part, as Senator Analjuice proves that folks in Pennsyltucky only [...]

Breathe easy: You’re off the hook for this week:
Police said that last week Daniel McGee, 29, used a digital camera as collateral on a $20 loan at Society Hill Loan.
McGee then went and robbed the Sovereign Bank on Market Street in Philadelphia, police said. As he ran away, police said he stuffed his jacket in [...]

The witness, who wasn’t able to ascertain the cause of the argument, said he saw a member of the first party jump on one of the other two women and knock her to the floor. He said she then began pulling the victim’s hair and hitting her in the face and back with what [...]

That’s why we’re taking the day off. We’ll return tomorrow with another week full of rakes, suckers, fools, hotties, dopes, dudes and douchebags. Now ain’t that America.
[Image courtesy The Dead Presidents]

? Book shows, get stitches.
? Pardon me, madam, but your loft building is crushing my soul. Confidentially, I kinda like that. Meet me under the Spring Garden station in 30 minutes.
?†SEPTA Photoshop fever: Here and there and everywhere and ouch. That last one really hurt.
? If both of these guys were running for Village Soothsayer, [...]

This just in: April 20 at The Electric Factory. Shut up. You know you still love them.

Friday:
>>> Former Today’s Vibe-rs and general mensches The National Eye celebrate the release of their sophomore album, Roomful of Lions. Rounding out the bill are some other bands we don’t know anything about called The Capitol Years, The Spinto Band and Like Moving Insects. Khyber, 9pm, $10 gets you in, and a copy of the [...]

Dear Friends:
Tonight’s ABSOLUTE BEGINNERS will feature the following:
? A $5 PBR and Jameson special, for those of us on a get-effed-as-cheap-as-possible budget.
? Manuel Dominguez/Russell Alexander/Mike Trombley in the downstairs bar, poppin’ off soulbangers and geewhiz as if to say, “This entire world is made of sex smells.”
? Posters from Salt.crewcial.org acting like they’re totally over [...]

Readers of Philebrity, we would just like to say that in a world constantly darkened by retardedness and bullshit, you give us hope. You are the wind beneath our wings. The beef in our stew. The jam in our toast. The boiling cheez whiz on our drunken salty fries. The Kimmel to our Stacie. The… [...]

>>> Was part of Old City really closed down last night because of a bomb scare? Bells Bells Bells say so. Their Five Spot gig was cancelled because of same. [Myspace]
>>> Oh wait, they’re really not kidding! Dude walks into Soho Pizza Company, declares he’s not that into the crust, and that he’s been strapped [...]

We’re sorry. We like laughing at The Scrunchie Class. What do you like to do?

WASHINGTON - Sen. Arlen Specter said yesterday that he would ask the Senate ethics committee to investigate whether any rules were violated when he directed almost $50 million to companies and institutions that employed the husband of one of his top aides as a lobbyist.
Otherwise known as the “Pardon Me, But Would You Have Any [...]

Because really, it is unseasonably warm out there today.

>>> Our boys Ron Morelli and Mike Trombley return to Key West tonight and encourage us all to get a little gayer than usual. The reason? Their guest this month is none other than Tim Sweeney of DFA/Rvng fame. Feel the sleaze, take some of deez. 207 Juniper btw Walnut & Locust, 9pm, free, $2 [...]

“Ohkehhhy, zo, lissen: Izz nut my problem zat ze Kimmell izz outrageous financial failure, ohkeehhy? We did zee work, we make beautiful startrek building, no? For you Philadelphians to put zee Rootz and zee Bright Eyes in, no? Special time! And now you vant to zue me? Oh no. I gave you beautiful building and [...]

That’s one mighty wide cigarette you got there, Mr. Train Man!

>>> Is Barnyardsex.com really owned by Camel? And wait, I don’t think they’re really talking about Barnyardsex.com. Because their parties are not really that good. [Salt.Crewcial]
>>> Johnny Goodtimes and Jessica Pressler: The Philly slapstick version of Pete Doherty and Kate Moss. We need to try harder. [JohnnyGoodtimes]
>>> Hack music publicist confuses Blinq with Philebrity. Blinq [...]

“Don’t blow my trip. I am free. You are free. We can have the different trips or the same one.”
Today’s City Paper cover story on The Lilys just might be the definitive Lilys article of all time. It is a must-read for any fan of the band. And how would we know? Why, we [...]

From the fertile mind of one Collin Flatt. He just sent us a bunch of these, and we’ll be sprinkling them in throughout the afternoon.