Friday:
>>> This, friends, is the calm before the storm. Strangely, it doesn’t seem like there’s a hell of a lot going on tonight. But you know what? Every bar in town is going to be totally packed, because people simply cannot get enough of the sauce this time of year. It’s as if the very thought of the Baby Jesu emerging ó sinless, no doubt ó from the womb of Mother Mary makes something inside you go, “Jesus Christ, I need a drink.” So go to your local. See your friends. Take a family member. Get your underage cousins drunk. It’s the holidays. Time to make memories. Do you really need a location-specific advice for this? Ok, there’s the Paper Street Christmas Party at Qeue (formerly L’Hexagone, 1718 Sansom). Cosmo Baker spins, it’s a two floor mini-Rub, and like whoa. Everybody’ll be gettin’ loose.
Saturday:
>>> He’s been drinking lots of orange juice, pumping weights and getting his game face on all fall-long. And this time, it’s personal. Jon Solomon’s 24 Hour Christmas Radio Show begins at 6pm on WPRB, and goes for ó duh ó 24 hours. For those of you keeping score, this will be Jon’s 18th year in the vaunted role of The Jew Who Saved Christmas. If you are in the Princeton area, please take him some coffee. The rest of you, just listen.
>>> And wait: Don’t you have a family or something? Oh, you don’t? You’re just one of these hipster kids who sprung into the atmosphere fully formed at age 18 with no family, no old shit dogging your entire life and nowhere to be on Christmas Eve? You are? Weird, we just thought you were Jewish or something. Anyway, you are not totally out of luck. In fact, it’s even better than you thought: Major Taylor returns to Silk City with Low Budget and you know what that means: Ass and titties. Assass, titties, titties, ass and titties. Drink up, Ghost of Christmas Lonely! It’s later than you think.
Sunday:
>>> Last year, we went to The Khyber Christmas Party ó smartly, unlike so many other Christmas parties, actually held on Christmas ó and it was a STONE GROOVE. Seriously. Here’s what happens. You go to the Khyber, and for like once, there are not fucking 14 stupid bands playing AND all of your friends are there. All of these friends are in very good moods because just 3 hours ago, they were in passive-agressive hell with their families, staring down their fathers’ receding hairlines and their mothers’ sagging breasts and going Oh, no. Not me. No way. No sir. But now they are here! And they’re drinking! And SMOKING! And dancing! And everybody’s got fresh Xmas cash and buying rounds! Oh, and look! There’s Stacie George up on stage DJing! And it’s like the soundtrack to the Kid & Play movie or something! And oh my GOD! SHE BROUGHT HER PARENTS! And they’re totally dancing and talking to weird dudes in weird bands! EVERYBODY HUG STACIE’S PARENTS! BUY THEM A SPARKS! MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

This entry was posted on Friday, December 23rd, 2005 at 3:06 pm.