It’s been a while since there’s been this big of a Philadelphia Weekly doozy. But this one packs a punch: Roughly 3 years too late, at just about the very moment when hipster jokes become on par with a “Hey, and what’s the deal with those airplane peanuts, anyway?”-styled zinger, and long after many of the crimes of hipsterism have been either outlawed in total or legalized and tolerated, Philadelphia Weekly, in its infinite and deep editorial cluelessness, decides to drop its anti-hipster issue. “We hate hipsters! Wooo! Everybody ride the ducks!”
Jesus Christ, what a piece of shit this is. If the faux-Vice don’t’s ó done poorly and with one clunker caption after another, natch ó don’t boil your blood, the sheer out-of-touchness will make you feel deep pity for its authors. But life is hard, people fuck up, and you know what? Everyone is accountable. So let’s name names, so when this issue goes down as the biggest PW debacle since the Greg Foreman cover story (sorry, Valania), we will remember who was responsible. Neil Ferguson, first of all, dude, you’re British. You don’t even know what a hipster is. And plus, didn’t we run into you a few weeks back at Franz Fucking Ferdinand, dude? Whatever. Go back to that stack of old Mojo’s, where this sort of rote social commentary has an easier go of things. Better still: Write for Magnet! Next up: Daniel McQuade, you’re OK. We can tell you’re blushing behind an obviously shitty I’m-the-new-guy assignment. Jeffrey Barg: You wear Dockers and your last big story was about the burgeoning improv comedy scene in Philly. I rest my case.
No, what’s really at work here is something deeper: Hate and frustration because your paper, like most, is having a profound moment of relevance in crisis? Maybe. Bandwagon-jumping? Um, better late than never, I suppose? Dare we even say, sexual jealousy? Well, now, who knows. Either way, damn. Y’all got quite a lot of living-down to do over this one. See you at the bar.
PW: We Just Ran Out Of Ideas, OK? What Do You People Even Want? Stop Reading Us! Go Away!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 9th, 2005 at 9:38 am.