“It’s going to be a damn travesty,” said the 31-year-old All-Pro, speaking to reporters months or even years before the hypothetical contract is drawn up. “A travesty. I’m one of the best receivers in this leagueˇhell, after the incredible, record-breaking season I’m sure I’ll have had when I sign this next contract, I might be the best ever. But I wouldn’t go so far as to call this next contract the best ever. It’s going to be an insult on the part of whichever team I eventually sign with, and they’ll know it. I demand they give me what I really deserve.”
The only way we know this isn’t real is because it seems doubtful that T would be that adept at the future perfect tense.
The Onion: More On The Ball Than Eskin