Note To The Entire City: Don’t Fuck With North Fifth Street
Sundry Philebrity friends and staff either do or have lived in NoLibs over the last few years, and we’ve learned something that maybe other folks have not, and for newbies in the neighborhood, or tourists hoping to cop a feel of that tingly uneasy-gentrification vibe, we’re going to spell out for you: Watch your back on Fifth Street north of Spring Garden. Over the last few years, Fifth Street has played host to countless RUBA muggings (many at gunpoint), some brick-beatings, the murder of a priest, for the love of Pete, and now, God help us, out-and-out kidnapping. Here is how it works: In an oft-seen quirk of modern urban (non-)planning, Fifth Street is the dividing line between the hipsters and the ghetto, the haves and the have nots. And while most of NoLibs east of Fifth is one of the more happily integrated parts of town (especially for this town), Fifth Street is fucking bananas and virtual mulch heap for trash-on-hipster crime. And until Bart Blatstein buys the Ukie Hall, that, friends, is how it’s going to stay.
Each time we hear of these things, we are saddened. NoLibs has quite a lot of things to endorse it; Fifth Street, for now, is not one of them. Be street smart.
Inky: Positively 5th Street
