Ask and ye shall receive: We asked for your Philebrity Mad Libs and you just blew our minds. You wanna know the crazy part? This one isn’t even the winner. The winner, and honorable mentions, after the jump.

Honestly, folks, it’s a proud day here at Philebrity. The quality and quantity of entries to this jam was astounding (although the one from the bass player in Trouble Everyday was Everybody-Loves-Raymond unfunny and so joyless it was painful). It was hard to pick a winner, but on the other hand, it wasn’t once this one came in:

My Philebrity Mad Lib, by __TIMOTHY_B_______

From: _MAYOR JOHN STREET_____
Date: Tue Jul 12, 2005 3:33:37 PM US/Eastern
To: tips@philebrity.com
Subject: Hello Mr Philebrity

Why do you care about my __FUNDRAISING
ACTIVITIES_____?

Not sure who you are, but let me fill youR ASS
WITH STIFF COCK__.

I do not give a fuck about the Philadelphia
__WORKING PEOPLE____.

I do not care about your _SAFETY OR WELLBEING_ at
all.

I just find it really funny that you make me out
to be a _CRIMINAL AND INEFFECTIVE LEADER___. Who is
_EVEN GIVING A SHIT IN THIS ILLEGAL FIREARM-FLOODED
CESSPOOL OF A CITY___?

We are overwhelmed with excitement and joy to
never be __DEALING WITH THE COMMON FOLKS__ again.
__TELL THE FEDERAL PROSECUTOR TO STOP_His crying. We
were just letting the few ,__WEALTHY AND ELITE__ that
may care know that they have one more shot to come and
_SUCKLE AT THE PUBLIC TEAT_ in Philadelphia.

Sorry you are to cool for trying to have fun with
a venue. I guess the 80ís Punk Prom type thing is way
to _WTF I MEAN SERIOUSLY, “80’s PUNK PROM”???_ for you
indie snobs. Yeah no shit World cafe Live is a _VENUE
MOSTLY FREE FROM CONTRACTS-FOR-CONTRIBUTIONS SCANDALS_
but does that mean it has to stay that way? They came
to us with a oppurtunity to try something new and we
said _SORRY, ALL FOOD VENDING WILL BE HANDLED BY
MILTON STREET DICKWEEDS_.

I guess that makes us stupid. Sorry we all canít
suck dick at after partys for _COMMERCE BANK_.

That SaidÖ

We love the people who come out to our shows and
_BUY THEIR WAY INTO OUR FAVOR_ but we do not love the
way shit goes down in this city with _THE FBI_. So we
are out, that is it.

I still have no idea why anyone _EXPECTED ANY
BETTER FROM ME_ about this???

Get a _LONG WAY AWAY FROM HERE IF YOU VALUE YOUR
BUSINESS_.

Thanks
_JOHN F STREET, MAKING_
Trouble Everyday

PS. I know this is going up on your page. So proof
it first because I am a _ILLITERATE TOAD FOR THE WEALTHY__.

And so, Tim B, you are our most righteous winner. You get the MIA fun-pack, and our eternal respect. You really outdid yourself. So, too, did these folks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS

From: ___hipsterkick___
Date: Tue Jul 12, 2005 3:33:37 PM US/Eastern

Why do you care about my ___cocainsexjams___?

Not sure who you are, but let me fill you _full of rainbowanthems____.

I do not give a fuck about the Philadelphia makingtimethisweekend!!!

I do not care about your __potweed___ at all.

I just find it really funny that you make me out to be a _partytrainsoldier__. Who is __coolrad___?

We are overwhelmed with excitement and joy to never be __discolaid___ again. ___my matador__ is crying. We were just letting the few ___radudes__ that may care know that they have one more shot to come and __ partytilltheypuke____ in Philadelphia.

Sorry you are to cool for trying to have fun with a venue. I guess the 80’s Punk Prom type thing is way to ___dankskunk___ for you indie snobs. Yeah no shit World cafe Live is a ___acidinthedisco __ but does that mean it has to stay that way? They came to us with a oppurtunity to try something new and we said __getrad!!__.

I guess that makes us stupid. Sorry we all can’t suck dick at after partys for __indiedance rocknard___.

That SaidÖ

We love the people who come out to our shows and ___getrvng___ but we do not love the way shit goes down in this city with __blognerd funtracks__. So we are out, that is it.

I still have no idea why anyone ___ballsweatstains___ about this???

Get a __rad____.

Thanks
___rocknard___
Trouble Everyday

PS. I know this is going up on your page. So proof it first because I am a wannabee.

Micah Bedrosian, that was some real nice work. You’ve taken DaveP-speak to a bold new level. But look out…

My Philebrity Mad Lib, by Plain Parade

From: Maria Tessa Sciarrino
Date: Tue Jul 12, 2005 3:33:37 PM US/Eastern
To: tips@philebrity.com
Subject: Hello Mr Philebrity

Why do you care about my booking agency?

Not sure who you are, but let me fill you a cup of mighty fine lemonade and we’ll talk some business.

I do not give a fuck about the Philadelphia music scene.

I do not care about your band at all. I’m not booking The Trouble with Sweeney anymore.

I just find it really funny that you make me out to be a girl really obsessed with Spoon. Who is Steve Malkmus?

We are overwhelmed with excitement and joy to never be booking shows again. Sara Sherr is crying. We were just letting the few people who actually attend our concerts that may care know that they have one more shot to come and complain about the sound at Tritone in Philadelphia.

Sorry you are to cool for trying to have fun with a venue. I guess the 80ís Punk Prom type thing is way to played out for you indie snobs. Yeah no shit World cafe Live is a XandO with live music but does that mean it has to stay that way? They came to us with a oppurtunity to try something new and we said “no way”.

I guess that makes us stupid. Sorry we all canít suck dick at after partys for free Sparks and My Bloody Valentine records.

That SaidÖ

We love the people who come out to our shows and don’t weasel their way onto the guest list but we do not love the way shit goes down in this city with messageboards. So we are out, that is it.

I still have no idea why anyone will actually want to read about this???

Get a real job.

Thanks

Maria Tessa Sciarrino
Trouble Everyday

PS. I know this is going up on your page. So proof it first because I am a fool.

Maria Tessa Sciarrino, you’re the most awesome dago we know. (Well, one of them, anyway.) And last but certainly not least…

My Philebrity Mad Lib, by Panther Millions

From: Panther Millions
Date: Tue Jul 12, 2005 3:33:37 PM US/Eastern
To: tips@philebrity.com
Subject: Hello Mr Philebrity

Why do you care about my orgasm?

Not sure who you are, but let me fill(sp?) you up, and I insist upon
taking your picture with my digital camera.

I do not give a fuck about the Philadelphia Orgasm.

I do not care about your Orgasm at all.

I just find it really funny that you make me out to be a man. Who is
truly a man?

We are overwhelmed with excitement and joy to never be
celebridelphia-ing again. Orgasm is crying. We were just letting the
few http://digilander.libero.it/Nerds/miss_nerds2002/pics/no.jpg that
may care know that they have one more shot to shoot in Philadelphia.

Sorry you are to cool for trying to have fun with a venue. I guess the
80’s Punk Prom type thing is way too “my arms bend back” for you indie
snobs. Yeah no shit World cafe Live is a Sunday buffet with the
grandparents, but does that mean it has to stay that way? They came to
us with a oppurtunity to try something new and we said Belgian
Waffles!

I guess that makes us stupid. Sorry we all can’t suck dick at after
partys for “Stalin On Ice”.

That SaidÖ

We love the people who come out to our shows and leave before we play
but we do not love the way shit goes down in this city with orgasms.
So we are out, that is it.

I still have no idea why anyone would orgasm about this???

Get a orgasm.

Thanks
Panther Millions, Contributing Editor
Trouble Everyday - the zine that tackles!

PS. I know this is going up on your page. So proof it first because I
am orgasming.

Panther Millions, we are orgasming, too. Thanks everybody for playing! We’ll have to do this again sometime. Oh, and also? This was our 1,000th post! Yay! We love you guys.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 15th, 2005 at 2:04 pm.