Gee, has it been five minutes since a celebrity has made that strained smile into the camera with that disingenuous sense of humility and acted like donating one free charity performance is the moral equivalent of a lifetime of doing missionary work in Calcutta? Has it been five minutes since Bono reminded us that God put him on this Earth to die for our sins?
Oh, what, it has?
Well, cue Live Aid’s Boo Radley-esque cousin, Live 8!
And since we’re talking about sins, let’s talk about how Philly got completely shafted when it comes to the line-up:

Will Smith (host)
Bon Jovi
Maroon 5
Dave Matthews Band
Sarah McLachlan
Rob Thomas
Keith Urban
Jay Z
Stevie Wonder
50 Cent
Kaiser Chiefs
P. Diddy

Right, cause the crippling Third World debt is really keeping 50 Cent awake at night.

With a few notable exceptions, this line-up couldn’t get any whiter if Jill Scott was added on. It’s whiter than a high school theater stage crew. Whiter than a swing dancing class in a Long Island community center. It’s just so…so…white.
Despite this raging display of mediocrity, it should do well, provided Sears doesn’t decide to have a huge clearance sale on Dockers that day. If they do, then, fuck it, Third World, looks like you’re on you’re own.

KYW: What? Was Pat Boone Busy?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 31st, 2005 at 12:56 pm.