Even Time Magazine knows you suck, dude.
Time: Worstest Mayor Of Ever.
Image courtesy Heaven, Hell Or Hoboken

“Hey, Nancy, it’s Cecily calling. Hey, I just want to make it easier for you, and I’ll suggest that you don’t watch Channel 6 because I’m gonna be gushing about Greg for the rest of my life and I don’t want you to be hurt about it. So, FYI, why don’t you just watch another [...]

While we’re philosophically opposed to the very idea of someone called Joe Sixpack — the name just conjures a chorus line of slate-gray Dockers — we’re happy to recognize a bit of community service. Herein, The Packer goes on walkabout to find out just what Philadelphia beer should taste like.
DN: Beer Pong

But if he dies, good God is it going to stink.
Inky: Watching The Whales Go Round And Round

Friday:
>>> Well, you already know this, but there’s Making Time tonight at Transit with free MillerSparks from 9 to 11pm. So there is that. Don’t forget to peep Russell Alexander of Testify! upstairs.
>>>But, if indeed you do hate sex and have no style, [We never get tired of that one. -Ed.], you could always go [...]

LAST YEAR when Bruce Hunziker and Bill Hartey got into a lovers’ spat, Hunziker smashed a window at Hartey’s house, a neighbor said.
Early yesterday, when they got into a spat over Hartey’s looking at another man when they were at a bar, Hunziker ran over Hartey with his SUV and killed him, police said.
It’s good [...]

Alright, you little scamps. While it’s true that Philebrity is constantly clowning your underachieving, no-style-having, sexually repressed and generally just fucking priveleged and boring asses, today is a different day. Today you can make good on all of that. See, today is your fucking stupid Spring Fling featuring Sonic Youth, Cat Power and, because you [...]

In phone calls, e-mails, and postings on Internet bulletin boards, Comcast customers used words such as “outrage” and “willful denial of service.”
Inky: Internet Signal Breaky, Millions Whine

>>> Do you like drugs and Spaniards? So do we! Check out Astronauts at 7:30 at The Bridge. (It also plays again on Sunday, but don’t procrastinate. That’s how people fuck up their lives. It’s also kind of what this movie is about.) Also recommended: Off Beat, which seems like the German hipster version of [...]

True? Maybe. But look out, Dr. Phil:
For an entire summer, I visited the burned-out residents of Osage Avenue, one family at a time, while they were living in temporary housing near the airport at the Korman Suites. On a daily basis, another summer law associate, Oliver M. Johnson, and I would interview the families about [...]

>>> Okay, a few things. First off, congrats to Kimber VanSant and John Joseph. They’ll be going to Making Time and ruining another beautiful Saturday. Thanks to everyone who entered (and has been entering our contests) — you’ll notice Philebrity will be whoring itself out in all kinds of brave and stupid ways soon that [...]

Wow, this Captain Freeshit guy is really on a roll these days. It’s all part of Philebrity’s new program of regressing into the failing pattern-habits of our previous relationships: We’re such a bunch of worthless jerks that now we’re just trying to buy your love outright. Bad for us; great for you, though. So. Hey! [...]

Dear Mom,
Life in the city is going great! I’ve made some friends, and even got a new job! I’m walking around Philly impersonationg Salvador Dali, this wildly over-rated surreal artist whose posters used to get me mad ass with raver and goth girls in college. Well, times change, but Dali’s pussy power apparently does not! [...]

Look! That’s her! Over there!
Nancy Watson, 37, of Delaware, is the ex-wife of Greg Watson, 38, Tynan’s husband-to-be.
She tells us she “can’t take it anymore” after hearing meteorologist Tynan, 36, coyly giggling about the wedding on-air, which takes place Saturday at a private home.
That’ll show all those j-school wonks, Cec! You go, girl.
Dan Gross: Cecily [...]

So, do you like fancy banners that glow above? Do you like tweaky, 808, E. London, grimey rap? Do you like “free”. Well, Philebrity is giving away two free tickets to Dizzee Rascal’s April 22 show at the Troc. So, let’s do the same program — send us an email to [...]

Date: Wed, 13 Apr 2005 10:53:18 -0400
Subject: photo of the week- lock down
From: Zoe Strauss
To: website contact
Hello Friends,
I’m a little behind this week because I was arrested and put in jail,
charged with defiant trespass. I’m back on the streets now.
Motherfuckers think they can keep me down? Wrong on
every count.
More info on my [...]

Not surprisingly, Guero’s gait is fairly joyless and labored, never quite matching the effervescence and levity of Odelay even when it’s flat-out brilliant, which is most of the time.
We like this guy. Playin’ the percentages and whatnot.
PW: Stuck Inside The ’90s With The Erroneous Beck-Is-Relevant Blues Again (Remastered!)

Say it ain’t so:
I think I am the only one in this city even looking at the damn thing,
but I noticed today’s Evening Bulletin is virtually all AP stories.
There’s not a single byline on Page One. Suspicious, no?
Related: All That He-Said/She Said Bulletin Shit

Related: Tonight’s Very Special Guests

>>> Lots of times, we WHOA! LINK REMOVED! BEEP! BEEP!
>>> Other times, we ponder a career change.
>>> Honestly, though? Sometimes we just wonder what it would be like if we had the power to change the future.