What’s the story, Morning Glory? Snarf. Thanks to everyone who entered The Great Strawbridges Limerick Contest. Joe Orton would have been proud of you all; we’ve never seen such melifluous loo poetry. Two lucky winners will receive a Nirvana DVD/poster/postcard pack courtesy our buds at Cornerstone Promotions. And here are the winners!

Anne Leavitt-Gruberger, come on down! You just won!

On my most recent trip to Strawbridges
This hottie in the john asked for my digits
I said “I’ll do you one better!”
Gave him the best head ever
Never to happen again, you hetero snitches!

Brian Wiginton, you’re also a winner!

On Thursday while shopping and strolling,
My hormones were racing and rolling,
In the bathroom I dropped
My pants to some cops,
And got arrested for attempted cornholing.

Hah! More fantastic limerickery after the jump.

This one got points for the ambitious use of the word “caftans”:

Take a right after Ladies’ caftans,
And you can duck into Strawbridge’s can
Now just bypass the bowl
Stick your thing in the hole
And you’ll find it sucked off by a man.

This next person smashed the limerick form as we know it. We were tempted to give it to her, but we’re sticklers for the standard five-line classic. Nice try, though.

Shopping is usually fun and discreit
Until a had to use the lavatory, what a treat!
and what should my virgin eyes then befall
why two men in the buff, fudgepacking in the stall! I had money for some clothes, but oh what a bargain, and now I might even win off this sin, with my jargon. I got quite more than I bargained for on that fine day.
But for only one tee shirt is all I had to pay!

This one could have won, but it was a little too “inside baseball.”

I heard ‘Bridges bathroom was steamy
(That man on man love is so dreamy!)
So I went round the place…
Weren’t no shock on my face
When I saw good ole Joey Sweeney.

One contestant couldn’t get enough. She sent in the next three:

In the bathrooms at the Strawbridge building
Some guys, their menswares they were shilling
The coppers yelled, “Pause!
You’re going to Oz.”
And the fellas squealed, “Ready and willing.”

The Vice Enforcement Unit
Found men exposing their units
They were conducting a sting
Saw a guy playing with his thing
And — ca you finish it, I have to get back to work?

And, lastly:

When coppers descend on our johns
They stop us from getting it on
So the unhappy 16 is
Now hiding its penis
And shopping at Macy’s for fun.

Shame on you all.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 26th, 2005 at 10:26 am.