Benny’s World: According To The Chinatown Bus
(Ed: This is a new weekly feature by Benny Philebrity where he will attempt to explain complex, universal truths using the other-worldly Chinatown bus system as his microcosm.)
Benny loves himself the Chinatown bus. Not only is it an economical means of inter-urban transportation, it also offers its riders critical insight into the workings of major social, cultural and economical phenomena. It is in essence the adult version of an Electric Company skit, replete with important lessons that we should all carry beyond our 2 - 5 hour Chinatown bus experiences.
Benny takes the Chinatown bus at least twice every week, shuffling him from Philadelphia to New York. Benny is a modern minstrel harboring within him all sorts all sorts of correlative insights, the first of which he wants to now share with you, the loyal Philebrity readers.
In the travel industry, senior executives and lowly business analysts obsess over “yield management.” It is driven by the concept that inventory in hotels, on airplanes and in car rental fleets is perishable. Every bed and seat not occupied within a given period of time equals lost revenues.
In the modern aviation age, new low-cost carriers like Southwest and JetBlue have invested millions of dollars in fancy computer systems and brainy MBAs to ensure you are never lucky enough to have an open seat in between you and the guy in the aisle seat. Millions of dollars.
Now, you Philebrity readers are saying “I don’t quite understand. The Chinatown bus is usually pretty full. If these systems cost so much money and most MBAs only work for pharmaceutical companies, how do they do it? Can you explain all of this?”
Of course Benny can. ;)
The operators of the Chinatown bus have brilliantly abstracted the business logic from those fancy yield management systems and scholarly MBA types, and expertly channeled it through the head and hands of frenetic and obfuscating Chinatown bus women. Let Benny elaborate:
Have you ever had a flight itinerary change? This is probably due to a flight being undersold because airlines use overselling as a means of hedging against low yield. Well, in the Chinatown bus system it is perfectly plausible to at one moment be sitting on a bus bound for New York leaving at 2pm to be sitting on that same bus and be bound for Atlantic City leaving at 2:30pm. Look around you at 1:50pm, If it’s just you and an old man drinking out of a paper bag, get ready to move quickly — your itinerary is about to change.
Have you ever been on an effectively yield managed flight and gotten a voucher? We all have taken advantage of this. It’s an awesome way to get to SXSW and have more money for drugs and mexican food. Benny loves drugs and mexican food. Well, the Chinatown bus actually sells these vouchers in advance because they know shit is going to get weird. Because as you know by now, the Chinatown bus is so adept at maximizing yield it can be used when you sense significant delays or an impending cannonball run to Albany. Vouchers don’t lose their value and are fully transferrable so you can give it to your roommate the next time she asks you for a ride to her art show in Brooklyn.
Demand-based pricing. In the age of the Internet (that magical place where blogs live, too!), new services like Hotwire and Priceline have sprung up offering insane deals for customers willing to take a chance on not knowing their departing time and/or hotel location. These “middle men” services typically buy a lot of tickets at bargain basement prices and then use a bidding system to maximize their margin and consequently assume the burden of yield management. Benny has no fucking clue how the Chinatown bus system would even come close to doing this, but he just wanted to impress Philebrity readers with some research he did for his first feature story.
In Closing: The 4 “Ps” of Marketing. There is an old adage in business that the customer is always right. The most successful companies listen to their customers and adjust their marketing mix of Product, Price, Place and Promotion accordingly. A travel company that does this effectively is inevitably going to maximize yield at every turn of their daily operations.
For the travel industry, they have been slow to listen to their customers. Airlines have only recently stopped serving rubbery chicken and beef. Hotels are finally letting you check out after 11am without penalty. Car rental companies are at long last the only place you can find and drive a Pontiac Grand Am.
With the Chinatown bus, they live and die by the notion of customers always being right. You don’t think there are buses to Philly? Just let someone know, they can make that Boston bus a Philly bus. Want a 4:30 bus? They’ll listen to this and that 5 o’clock bus you are standing next to instantly becomes just the one you want. And if you are simply not quite sure of what your options are, stand on the corner with your roll-behind clearly in sight, dig a $20 bill from your pocket, and a customer service rep will be right with you.
Happy Trails!
If you have love or hate, please send it to benny @ philebrity.com.
