So, flipping through this morning’s PW, we noticed a review by Lauren McCutcheon of this new BBQ joint in Center City unfortunately named The Smoked Joint. Knowing full well that marijuana sales obviously fund terrorists like the NJ Weedman and Cheech Marin, our interest was piqued; turns out, this was not a terrorist cell at all, but rather, a bunch of frat boys who bought a restaurant and filled it with every Adam Sandler pun their feeble minds could muster. Would we put them in Guantanamo? Sure. But that’s not the point. Within minutes of reading this, we recieved the following account of one young lady’s encounter with the Smoked Joint boys a couple weeks ago at The Standard Tap. Read what follows and see if you don’t wanna Rochambeau these boys straight back to Smokey Joe’s.

so, one night i went out to eat at standard tap. it was almost fall and it was still nice enough to eat outside, not to mention the place now hardly has available seating. so, we go out to the patio and take the only available seat next to THE most annoying “dudes” ever. you know the kind, frat boy, corporate, loud, obnoxious, sexist and homophobic.

The rest of this harrowing tale after the jump.

so my date and i are attempting to order and these barbarians decide to block the entire doorway and aisle with their table, there is about 6-8 of them and they were yelling and slurring like it was fat tuesdays during marti gras. us quiet diners surrounding them, were struggling to drone them out of our experience, however, this was not going to happen.

these jerks monopolize the waitress and speak to her in a condescending and sexist manner. they order just about everything on the menu, one of each, but extra mussels. when the mussels come out soon after they order, they begin grunting and actually FIGHTING each other with their forks to stab at the plates of mussels. they are actually dropping forks and silverware, jumping out of their chairs and grunting.

then begins the typical competion of such troglodytes. “dude, what’s the most amount of mussels you’ve ever eaten?” asks one to the other, most clad in khaki shorts and socks with addidas sandals. the answer is unknown because the group starts grunting again.

suddenly, you hear:
“smoked joints. nobody beats our meat”

they start laughing like it’s the funniest thing. then they start to yell and talk loudly to assure we all hear of their plan, like anyone cared. oh yeah, they were still treating the waitress like a hooker. so, by the time we got the check, we learned that these guys were opening up a barbeque restaurant in center city, called “smoked joints” with the slogan “nobody beats our meat”. they commented on how art students were their main targets because “they like pot and stuff…heheheh” and how they had this formula for targeting them to spend their money at this non appealing eatery. then they began to bash all of the standard tap’s menu and waitstaff all the while, still hitting on their waitress, etc. my date whispered “don’t most art students go through the typical vegetarian phase when in college?” we giggled. “it’s gonna bomb” we agree. assholes never win, right?

so, you must understand my disappointment was only deepened with The Philadelphia Weekly, when i read this week’s glowing review of this awful place, including details it’s several insulting and frat dude mentality slogans and ideology like:”NOW THAT’S A GREAT RACK,” “OUR PORK IS PULLED, NOT JERKED,”"NOBODY BEATS OUR MEAT”. what is going on? these guys are the dumb jocks you knew and dispised in high school because whenever the teacher said Balzac, they snorted and said “HaHa, BALL SACK!” and the like. i wouldn’t want them cooking my food.

so, i don’t know if this is anything like, reportable or anything like that, it’s all a kind of dumb story but it’s one of those guys that i know you guys know who i’m talking about. like, finnegan’s wake guys who think they’re classy cause they went to like, hmmm….like, le bec fin or fork or anjiou or something of that nature. you know what i mean? i actually am disgusted that a food critic would seriously review this place because it can’t even take itself seriously by over using trite sexual innuendos. i don’t know… this is all babble. i’ve been drinking all night and thought i’d contribute a tip. i just want people to make this shit go away.

also, a few people i know started crank calling this place as women’s rights people and gay men challenging to try to beat their meat, etc. this place is just asking for it.

Hmm. Yeah, we’d say so.

PW: Up In Smoke

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 5th, 2005 at 11:12 am.